


to die with the sun

by ChzGorl



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, Blood and Gore, Character Death, Dissociation, F/F, F/M, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Mentioned Goshiki Tsutomu, Mild Language, Mild Sexual Content, Non-Linear Narrative, Not Beta Read, Oikawa Tooru's Knee Injury, Psychological Trauma, Self-Sacrifice, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Tendou Satori Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:46:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 16
Words: 20,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27637022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChzGorl/pseuds/ChzGorl
Summary: The poorly written Hunger Games AU no one wants.-A series of one shots, each one centered around different ships from Haikyuu, and their experience with the games.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu, Ennoshita Chikara/Tanaka Ryuunosuke, Haiba Lev/Yaku Morisuke, Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kindaichi Yuutarou/Kunimi Akira, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Kyoutani Kentarou/Yahaba Shigeru, Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Shimizu Kiyoko/Tanaka Ryuunosuke, Shimizu Kiyoko/Yachi Hitoka, Takeda Ittetsu/Ukai Keishin, Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 19
Kudos: 53





	1. don't be scared

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! I wrote this originally as a hc post on my Tumblr (sparklygoblin), and I really meant to leave it at that, but it gave me massive Haikyuu Hunger Games AU brainrot. So I did what any rational person would do and wrote an amateur series of one shots about it. This is my first fic, so please try not to be too hard on me, I'm just sharing some ideas I thought might be fun to explore in this AU😊
> 
> TW:This first one shot is Asanoya, there is a semi-graphic suicide, and obviously other violence associated with the Hunger Games

Asahi saw his life in colors, dull shades of gray and black, with the occasional burst of color when he was designing. He loved clothes, and the bright colors that came with them, so much so that he made a career out of it. For a man who felt the world around him had no color, he sure had an eye for design.

"Did you see who we got this year? We have the prettiest little boy from five, all blue eyes and inky hair, I call dibs on styling that one! I think he'll be a hit." Terushima, though talented, had to be one of the most irritating stylists Asahi had ever worked with. 

"I've told you a thousand times, Teru, you can't call dibs." Asahi rubbed his temples.

"Okay, okay let's just watch the reaping and we can argue after that." With that, Terushima rolled the clip, beginning with a massive bowl of paper slips, and names.

"Nishinoya Yuu." Asahi watched intently, waiting to lay eyes on the first of the tributes they'd be working with.

"Oh you have to be fucking kidding me!" The voice was loud, completely audible over the gasping crowd, "This is motherfucking bullshit!"

Asahi's eyes widened, as a man just barely over five feet stomped his way toward the stage. He was so colorful. So bold and-and-

And his pants were on backwards.

How does someone even manage to do that?

"Dibs!" Asahi shouts, startling Terushima with his adamant excitement. 

"The fuck? That weirdo? Don't you wanna see the second one before you make a choice? And what happened to not calling dibs?"

"Fucking dirty pigs. I'm so fucking pissed I had a date tomorrow!" A loud laugh was heard from the audience at Nishinoya's remark. "Stop fucking laughing!"

He was beautiful, small and birdlike, Asahi's hands twitched at the thought of the designs he would soon make. 

"I'm calling dibs. I don't need to see the second one to know that the first one is perfect. I want Yuu." Asahi was dimly aware of them calling the next name in the background.

Sure, the second tribute was pretty in a mysterious way, but Yuu was beautiful like a bolt of lightning. 

"Holy shit, it's like love at first site." Terushima stared in awe as the eighteen year old designer next to him stared intently at the tiny little weirdo on the screen. 

Asahi barely heard him.

-

"What do you think?" Asahi wrung his hands nervously, as Yuu eyed himself in the mirror, a wicked grin splitting his face.

"I think…" Asahi held his breath "that you're so badass, Asahi. I think you might be the coolest person I've ever met." Noya turned around, his eyes alight with a deep intensity. Asahi ground his teeth, seeing Noya so serious terrified him. "I think...I like you a little too much Azumane."

Asahi was on him in an instant, consequences be damned when Noya grinds on his leg like that. Their teeth clack as their lips continue moving, and it feels like pure electricity in Asahi's chest. Noya's small hands are everywhere, reaching into his ribcage and holding his glass heart so gently that for the first time in his life, Asahi is not afraid.

"Yo, Noya you're almost up...oh holy shit." Terushima's mouth is agape as he closes the door behind him. "Asahi do you have any idea what they'll do to you?" 

"Sometimes even people like me have to be brave, Teru." Asahi smiled, gently adjusting Noya's suit jacket. "Show them just what power looks like, and when the time comes, bow on your way out." Asahi pulls Noya to him, hugging the smaller man like he might never see him again. He probably won't, not if everything goes to plan, and Asahi's designs never fail. "I love you, Noya, okay?" 

"Asahi why are you crying?" Nishinoya looks concerned, pulling away from Asahi.

"We don't have time for that" Teru interrupts, and Asahi was glad he had shown Teru the designs ahead of time "we need to go, Yuu."

-

"I've been meaning to compliment your suit, it really is fantastic, Nishinoya." Satori grins, but Nishinoya knows it's plastic.

"Why thank you, Satori!" Now he's plastic, too. "My designer is definitely the coolest!" Nishinoya grins, turning in a circle and lovingly modeling his suit. It really was beautiful, a silky black and gold piece, with a massive lightning bolt winding gracefully around the sleeves and the back of the jacket. 

"Wow that certainly is fantastic, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you were a capitol native. With that blonde streak in your bangs and that suit, you look much more luxurious. How does it feel to live in luxury after all your time in little old district five?"

Noya's heart is in his ears, he shivered in a way that foreshadowed an outburst. 

"Truthfully?" Satori nods with a smirk "I wouldn't be a capitol native if you paid me. You're broken along with your dirty fucking system." The audience wailed in outrage as Satori attempted to quiet them. 

"Well that was certainly a statement you just made." Satori had a fierce sort of respect in his eyes, and Noya suddenly liked the not-so-plastic man.

"Did you know, it only takes one well aimed lightning strike to fry an entire system?" And with that, Nishinoya bowed low and proud.

It was like a dream, as he stood, thunder sounded and in the blink of an eye, the lightning was moving, crackling against the sleeves of his jacket. He thought of Asahi, of everything he held dear, and spread his arms, palms out. And lightning struck, exploding from his sleeves, and raising the hair on his arms.

"It might not be me, but someday lightning will strike the Capitol. Remember me when it does." With that, Nishinoya held his head high, and exited, that was one of the best moments of his life.

"Noya-Senpai!" A slightly taller ginger blur bolted toward him, winding his skinny arms around Noya. "That was awesome!" 

"It was a death sentence." Kageyama was up next, but he could always be found beside Hinata, Noya suspects a crush.

"Shut up, Stupidyama! It was totally kickass!" Hinata shouted, getting as close to Kageyama as he can, trying to get in his face. 

"Thank you, Shou." Noya ruffled Hinata's hair gently "Goodluck out there, Kageyama. Now bring your head down so I can ruffle your hair." Hinata watched in awe as Kageyama smiled and lowered his head like a dog looking for affection. 

-

On the morning of the games, Asahi kissed him gently, whispering words of adoration as Noya shook with fear.

"I want to win for you, Asahi." Noya was down to his last few minutes before he would step on his platform. 

"You can't do that, Noya" Asahi's voice was shaking "you need to win for you and only you." 

Hurt flashes across his face, and he swears Asahi looks like he might die.

"Asahi what-"

"I don't regret it, okay? Not a single second, not a single choice. I see everything in color because of you." Asahi caressed Noya's cheek, thumbing away his tears "And because of you, and because of me, the world will change. You taught me courage, Noya."

"Asahi, please tell me nothing bad will happen to you." Noya gripped Asahi's blazer in his hands. 

"Things are going to be okay. Don't be scared." His voice was strained, and Noya knew that he was lying.

"No, Asahi, fucking no. You don't get to give us a tragic story, I won't let you." 

Asahi is bigger than Noya by a long shot. Which makes it much easier for him to swoop a squirming Noya into his arms, and push him onto his platform just as the glass started to come down around him. 

"Too late, it's already tragic." Asahi whispers as Noya begins to bang on the glass.

It's no longer just them in the room, capitol soldiers are fast approaching. Anyone who insights rebellion must be punished, Asahi is well aware they will both suffer for the lightning show. If Noya wasn't already aware, he is now, as he screams from behind the glass.

"I'll see you later, Yuu. Find me when it's over." Blows begin to rain down on him, and Asahi decides quickly that blunt force trauma is a terrible way to die. 

He's screaming, and Noya is too, his forehead pressed to the glass right next to Asahi's, as the soldiers bring him closer and closer to death. 

He hears something in his back give way,and his sacrifice is complete.

As his vision goes dark, he thinks of Noya, of what he subconsciously knows Noya will do after this. All of the fight left Noya before he even went into the arena, and it was all Asahi's fault. Maybe they'd be together soon.

What a heavy sacrifice this was.


	2. hoping for paradise, cry.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Look into Bokuaka, and how Bokuto lost his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I hurt myself writing this trash so ,like, enjoy ig.
> 
> TW:Bokuto kind of dissociates in this, he's also extremely violent so a fair gore warning for this chapter.

Koutarou volunteered to stand in the arena, he volunteered in the reckless way that people with nothing to lose and everything to gain do. His teeth were bared in an animalistic grin, almost as if he were thriving in the silence that hung in the air as he jumped on the stage. 

Why do they stare so much?

Bokuto shivered, his grin faltering as reality swallowed him. What had his life been so far? Short, painful, fucking lonely. So lonely. He had such a big heart, so capable of love, so intense and proud, made of pure gold. But that's the thing about gold; it's so damn heavy and Bokuto could only carry so much. 

The scrutinizing eyes of his people were already too heavy, combine that with his heavy heart, and Bokuto's knees started to buckle. He swallowed, no one would even remember his name by this time next year. 

-

Akaashi's favorite color was silver for the first twenty years of his life, but that was before he'd seen the searing gold that burned in Bokuto Koutarou's owlish eyes.

Humans were always so trivial to him, no more than pawns, tiny and unintelligent. So why couldn't he take his eyes off of this frighteningly human boy? The glory that seeped from Bokuto rivaled that of any other tribute Akaashi had ever set his eyes on.

Bokuto grinned from his chariot, eyes locking with the head Game Maker's. Akaashi coaxed his features into a neutral expression as he shamelessly let his eyes roam across the planes of Bokuto's chest. 

-

Ah there it is.

Bokuto nuzzles his face against Akaashi's neck, biting the sensitive spot that had just made the Game Maker moan. 

"Bo-gngh-Bokuto-san. I-I've never…" Akaashi flushed, and Bokuto swore it was the cutest thing he had ever seen. 

"Akaashi?"

"What is it, Bokuto?" Akaashi seems a little tense, a reaction to Bokuto's abrupt change in attitude. 

"I think this is the most anyone has ever touched me." His eyes have always been so transparent, and Akaashi feels his heart throb as he takes in the sorrow in Bokuto's eyes.

"Win." Akaashi is kissing all over Bokuto's face, everywhere but his lips, affection for this boy he hardly knew dripped from him in rivulets. "You have to win. Don't die before I get a chance to love you." Akaashi was sure no one could hear them in the safety of his home. It was imperative that absolutely no one knew of this conversation, or that Akaashi was about to sleep with one of the tributes. "All my life, I've had no choice, but that doesn't matter because I'm making one right now, whether I'm allowed to or not, even if it kills me, I think you should live. I'm going to choose you."

"We can run away together!" Bokuto's smile was beautiful, unadulterated happiness.

Akaashi couldn't help but chuckle from his place atop Bokuto's lap, "Yes, we'll run as far away from this nightmare as we can, just as soon as you win."

-

No one could've predicted the change of personality Bokuto exhibited the moment the countdown was over. Suddenly, the dejected boy that they had all seen had a will to fight. The brute strength in his hands, and his training surrounding knives made him a much higher level competitor than they originally thought. 

This was evident when he brutally murdered bothe of district eight's tributes within twenty seconds of the game starting. 

"To be honest," Tendou's voice rang out across Panem, narrating Bokuto's sudden surge of madness "Koutarou likely used our under estimation of his skills as a tool, to ensure that he could catch everyone by surprise. Very impressive, he's not just looks, folks!"

The people he had made friends with a head of time were the only ones outside of his grasp. Chibi from seven, the little King from five, Glasses and Freckles from three, and the Twins from eleven.

"C-Could you h-help me?" The small man from district five stood behind him, wrists bleeding, and Bokuto had to do a double take when he realized they were self inflicted. "I'm trying to do it on my own, but it-it's not happening fast enough." 

Oh my god, what?

"Noya-senpai, what have you done? Oh my god, why?" Hinata stood by the edge of their camp " I thought you were going to try to win for him?"

"Oh? What is this, a lover Yuu neglected to tell us about?" Hoshiumi's voice had an edge of excitement " What a tragedy, it's always a shame when they give up so early."

"I agree, Hoshiumi. Wasted potential is so hard to swallow." Tendou didn't sound excited at all. 

Bokuto grew nauseous as he watched the gaping wounds on Nishinoya's pale arms. He would die, even if Bokuto didn't intervene. 

"They took him from me, Sho. Right in front of me, he screamed for me at the end, you know? How would you like it if these blood suckers took your King from you, huh?" The capitol cut the audio the moment Noya mentioned a 'they'. But the hysterical tears on his cheeks unsettled everyone just the same.

"H-hey, I don't care about Kageyama, he sucks!" Hinata's cheeks are as red as his hair, Bokuto smiles a bit.

"Oi, boke-" Kageyama is also red cheeked, as well as insulted. 

"I'm sure he sucks just fine, Chibi, now let the grown ups talk." Bokuto turns his attention back to Noya, already detaching from reality in an attempt to cope with what he was about to do. "You want me to kill you?"

Noya nodded, eyes wide and innocent, Bokuto comes back to reality just long enough to take in the dirty little blonde streak his stylist put in his bangs, and the barely visible bruise on his neck. The stylist...

Oh, that really is tragic. 

"What did they call your stylist…..Asahi, wasn't it?" Noya's bloody wrists pulsed as if in reaction to hearing the name. His eyes were so broken, brimming with more tears, and he began to dig his fingers into the gashes, savagely ripping them as much as he could.

He was barely upright, skin as pale as the snow around them.

"Tell me, do you think he'd resent you? You couldn't save him after all-"

"Bokuto why are you doing this? Noya please just-" Hinata is sobbing openly.

"Shut the fuck up, Chibi." Bokuto pushed Noya to his knees, enjoying the extinguished look in his eyes.

" There is someone you're in here for, and maybe they haven't fully ripped you two apart yet" Noya licked his lips, he was smarter than he seemed "but don't play a game with yourself, you'll meet your maker at different times. There are no happy endings here." Noya would be dead or at least unconscious any moment now. 

Game Maker.

He knows.

Will they take Akaashi like they took Asahi?

"You're wrong about that." Bokuto was seething.

Kageyama pulled Hinata back by the wrist rather violently.

Atsumu and Osamu slid back in unison. 

Tsukki and Yamaguchi were closer to the Cornucopia, looking through the weapons.

"I'm not going to kill you, you can just rot out here. Think about what a coward you are while you bleed out like a pig." Bokuto spits, aiming for Noya's vacant face. 

Hinata lets out a violent noise of agony and revulsion. Kageyama holds him back.

Noya simply lays down in the snow, eyes heavy.

Bokuto feels nothing.

-

He dreams of Akaashi every night, of the life they could have out in the woods, of kids and stars and years spent together, never alone. 

They were both so lonely.

He was never proud of killing someone, he was simply numb, the more violent he was , the more he had to withdraw into himself. But he couldn't show weakness, the Twins were dangerous, Tsukki and Yamaguchi were extremely intelligent, Kageyama was talented, Chibi was loveable, any one of them could overthrow him. He just had to keep them afraid. 

Goshiki was so easy, wandering right into their camp, in search of Ushijima, from one. 

"Please just make it quick, don't make my mom watch me suffer." His bowl cut made him look even younger than he already was. It made Bokuto shivered with rage, he laced his fingers in that uneven bowl cut and pulled.

Goshiki's head flew back, eyes full of terror.

"You see him" Bokuto hissed pulling even harder on Goshiki's hair, silent tears fell from his eyes "this is what I'll do if any of you get brave." He pulled his massive knife, and swung, a horrendous noise filling the silent tundra. 

Goshiki screamed as Bokuto dug into his neck, his eyes locked on Hinata who was screaming along with him, begging Bokuto to stop. 

Bokuto yanked his head up, toward the nearest camera as he continued to hack into Goshiki's neck, each swing hitting deeper than the last. 

"Say hi to mommy." Bokuto cackled as he severed Goshiki's head, slowly, painfully. 

He held the boy's head up proudly.

"Jesus fucking Christ. Oh my god. Oh fuck no, no, no, please bring him back. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Please stop." Hinata really was too empathetic. His heart was like Koutarou's, before he turned it off. 

That's going to get him killed soon.

He left his back to the woods, what happened next was no one's fault but his own.

"Why did you do that?" The voice was deep, calm, and entirely neutral. "What could that child have done to deserve such a disrespectful death?" 

That voice was no longer neutral and Ushijima Wakatoshi was no longer a charismatic gentle giant with no intent to harm unless necessary. Bokuto could see the blood lust, even feel it. 

This was it. 

Ushijima started with Atsumu, busting his face until he was still, then slitting his throat, before cutting Tsukishima from chest to waist, and running Yamaguchi through with his knife, clenching his fist around the dainty bones of his throat. This whole time Bokuto watched, drawing even deeper into his mind. 

The snow is so bloody, would Akaashi even love me after all that I've done? 

No.

"I think I'll show you exactly how Tsutomu felt" and there it was, the hand in his hair, the sharp but not sharp enough blade swinging into him brutally "imagine how terrified he was. Knowing Tsutomu, he was kind to you, made things as easy as he could for you. Still, you forced him to endure only pain and sorrow in his last moments." Ushijima continued swinging.

Distantly he saw the blurry form of Kageyama carrying Hinata, trailing blood and swaying on his feet. 

When did they get away? 

"Don't worry, they'll die from their wounds, just like you." Ushijima hissed, though Bokuto could barely hear him anymore.

Akaashi would sing in the mornings.

Bokuto would learn to hunt. 

He'd teach Akaashi how to swim.

They'd watch the sun rise and set everyday together.

They would've died warm and safe, side by side in bed.

I've waited my whole life to find love, only to die from it? Why don't I regret it?

Two more swings and he'd be done, everything was red, and his throat didn't work anymore.

He engaged his muscles one last time, gargling out a guttural phrase, "I choose you."

His body fell forward while his head stayed put, completely detached.

-

I choose you. I choose you. I choose you.

Akaashi screamed, tearing at his hair, clawing open his skin. This was madness. 

Bokuto's eyes.

His heart.

His warmth.

Akaashi thought back to the first moment Bokuto had entered the arena, and with a mighty crack his heart broke upon realizing that Bokuto had died the first time he killed another person.

His big heart switched off and Akaashi allowed a man he adored to become a monster.

It felt like winter inside of him, like it was freezing and someone ripped the sun right out of his sky. 

No happy endings here. No happy endings here. No happy endings here.


	3. if you love me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama doesn't even want to survive, and Hinata just wants to make Natsu proud. They're about to meet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! This is probably out of character and stupid, but I had a lot of fun writing it anyway so enjoy the garbage. 
> 
> Check me out on the Tumblr: sparklygoblin
> 
> Also, fun fact: this arena is entirely ice and snow. very much tundra hypothermia

The sun set and all the warmth left district seven when Hinata Shoyo was forced to leave. The kid was fifteen, and so small for his age that his mother couldn't help but scream for him.

Hinata was silent, shoulders slumped and eyes wide as he was led to the stage. Lev was already up there, tall and imposing, but just as sunny as Hinata had always been. They were friends.

Why do I have to kill my friend? Why do I have to leave Natsu? Why is it so cold?

He shivered, and shook his head wracking his brain for any sort of silver lining he could come up with.

Better put on a show, I can't leave them sad.

Hinata mustered a massive grin, raising his fist, showing them that the sun is still shining, it's just going to shine somewhere else for a while.

He shouted in surprise as the people he had known his whole life raised their fists in response. For a moment, he was glorious. 

"Lev?" He smiled, turning toward his friend, and bumping his knuckles with his own.

"Thank you, Shou. You're really something else, Chibi." Lev pulled him into a one armed hug.

-

Kazuyo Kageyama.

Miwa Kageyama.

The graves were old, but well kept all thanks to Tobio. The idea of them withering, should he be picked today, made an inescapable panic crawl through the pit of his stomach and twist his insides.

Tobio finally finds the strength to stand and begin his walk to the reaping.

Grandpa, Miwa, please if you're out there, protect me today. 

He had always liked Nishinoya, how could he not? The guy never treated him like other people did, he never pitied him or feared him. No, Nishinoya Yuu was a good, kind guy. 

His heart ached for Noya when he heard his name, there's no way he could survive. Not even five foot three, there was no hope for Noya.

All thoughts of Noya left his head when he heard the name. 

My name.

"Tobio? Tobio Kageyama?" The announcer scanned the crowd. 

Horrified faces surrounded him, all their eyes conveying the same message, not again.

Tobio moved through the crowd, determined to keep it together, despite the devastation running through his head on loop. 

Noya gave him a watery smile, patting his shoulder and giving him more comfort than anyone else had.

Well that's it, they got us all. 

-

"Kageyama" Satori smiles, Tobio remains impassive in the chair next to him "first it's your grandpa's unfortunate accident shortly after he won his games, then it's your sister's tragic loss in her own games. You've been on your own for years as a result. Tell us, how does it feel to know that your whole family has paid tribute to the Capitol for three generations now?" 

Tobio remained cool, the people of the Capitol loved it when he got angry and detached. He was pretty no matter what he did, but rage just suited him.

"When they called my name at the reaping, it felt right. I've just been waiting for the chance to prove just how powerful the Kageyama family is, by continuing my grandfather's legacy." His hands were shaking, tears welled in his eyes. He didn't want to say that, but his mentor was adamant he had to say it. 

"Your sister was here-what was it-six or seven years ago?" Satori's voice was gentle, Kageyama could tell he was uncomfortable with the questions he was scripted to ask.

"Could...could we" a pitiful sob escaped him by accident "could we not talk about Miwa?"

The crowd made sounds of sympathy, their ugly, pitying eyes blurred by Tobio's relentless and humiliating tears. 

"Alright kiddo, have you made any friends here?" Satori tried his best to change the subject, so Kageyama figured he should try to go along with it.

He wiped his tears and pinched his hand, willing his composure to return. 

"Not really, but I met this boke Hinata. He-he's so dumb, he'll never make it out but we're still going to be partners in the games."

"Partners…..oh I see." The crowd giggled as Satori flashed him a genuine, mischievous smile. Kageyama was confused.

"....anyway, he talks to too many people but I can't get rid of him. All this 'we make a good team' and 'you're my best friend, Bakageyama'." Kageyama didn't know he was even capable of talking this much " He wouldn't stop bragging about how awesome his district looked during the tribute parade, but that's not really fair because he always looks awesome-" 

The crowd screamed just as Kageyama slapped a hand to his mouth. He's said too much, way too much and now everyone has the wrong idea.

"Sounds like you've got it bad for this Hinata." Satori giggled, eyes twinkling maniacally.

"What? Where did you get that idea?" Kageyama tried as hard as he could to hide his panic.

"Um. That whole conversation. Tobio, dear, with all do respect, you sound absolutely smitten."

"What? No way! I mean sure he's pretty, and warm, and totally good at sparring, but that doesn't mean-" no one could hear him over the roaring of the crowd. 

-

Hinata sat comfortably in his chair, enjoying the conversation he was having with Satori. 

"Hinata,word is that you have a sister. Would you tell us about her? What's home like?"

"Natsu! I love her, she's super strong, just like her Nii-Chan and come tomorrow, I'm going to give her something to be proud of."

Satori was soft for him, Hinata could tell. So was the rest of the audience.

"And do you plan to form an alliance with anybody?" Hinata grinned, puffing out his chest at the surge of pride and reluctant adoration he felt for his one true ally.

"I have Bakageyama, from district five! He's really crabby and sometimes he calls me names, but I know we make a great team anyway." Hinata kicked his short legs enthusiastically.

Tendou smiles like he knows a secret. Hinata's skin itches. 

"But, Hinata what if it comes down to the two of you?" Satori asks the question gently, still smiling.

"Oh! Satori you scared me! I thought you were going to give me a hard question!" Hinata giggled as the crowd looked at him in confusion.

"Hinata, that is a hard question."

"No, it's silly. It will never come down to a fight between the two of us, I'll make sure Bakageyama wins right away. I'm going to help him find his way home!" Hinata smiled as if he had not just admitted to planning to sacrifice his life.

Kageyama sobbed as he watched the monitor, Oikawa scoffed in his direction. 

The crowd was weeping gently, and Hinata's reputation as a sacrificial lamb was secured. 

"That's- well that's tragic Hinata." Tendou was keeping his composure in a way that only a host could.

Hinata looks down at his hands, big eyes shiny.

"I guess it is, isn't it?"

-

"You would have never been able to sacrifice yourself for me" Kageyama's words were garbled, they would both be gone within the hour. The snow hardly hurt anymore, blood soaked and slushy at this point "I love you so much, Sho. Too much."

"K-Kageyama- Tobio, what?" Hinata rested his head against the snow next to him, unable to move due to the massive wound beneath his ribs. 

"I love you and I knew I did and I pretended I didn't and I'm sorry, but you need to know that, Sho." Kageyama was crying now, and the wound where his leg used to be throbbed. They had maybe a half hour now. "I've never had anyone to show me love, not since I was a kid, so I was confused but I know now. I'm okay with dying if it's with you, boke."

Hinata was sobbing now, openly dragging himself through the agony and snow, to wrap himself in Kagayama's arms. 

"Isn't the snow so pretty?" They laid together in a snowbank, just on the edge of a frozen pond. It took nearly everything they had to crawl away from Ushijima, just so they could have this last moment in the sun. "I love you too, Tobio. I love you so much it scares me."

Their lips met before their hands did. They kissed gently, Hinata thought it would feel like a farewell, but instead, it felt more like 'I'll never let you go".

I'll never let you go.

I'll never let you go.

I'll never let you go.

The sun really did set then, and as the sun faded, so did Kageyama and Hinata.


	4. carry me home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kindaichi teaches kunimi what it means to be a human.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I really loved writing these two, and I hope that somehow you guys like reading them just as much. There's not enough content for these two, so I had to contribute my own little angst fic.
> 
> TW: Just the same old gore.

Kunimi just didn't care that much. It wasn't by choice, he wanted to show the people who cared for him something other than apathy. It just wasn't in his cards, he realized that when his death sentence provoked nothing but indifference. The boy next to him had choked on a barely restrained panic attack, while Akira just eyed the crowd blankly. He just didn't understand what it meant to love life enough to cry over it. 

Looking back, it only made sense that he would be drawn to someone so inherently opposite to himself. Where he lacked passion, Yuutarou ran hot with it. Yuutarou cried so beautifully when selected, Akira felt a spark of envy, and interest. Maybe Kindaichi could teach him what it felt like to have something worth crying over. 

He knew he was right when Kindaichi approached him after the tribute parade. He had this smile that lit Kunimi up so violently that he nearly gasped at the intensity. 

"You looked so powerful out there! I think you were a hit! You made such a good 'God of the Harvest'!" Kindaichi was so excited, and Akira could do nothing but stare at him in awed silence. 

"Well I'm fairly sure you were the only one looking at us." Kunimi mumbled the words quickly, half hoping Yuutarou wouldn't hear him.

"There is no 'us', I was only looking at you." A pretty pink flush spread across Kindaichi's soft skin, while Akira struggled for breath. 

"You looked good as well" he was talking louder than he'd ever talked, "the whole 'farmer' look works for you." Kunimi had never made this much effort to talk to anyone in his life. 

"Do you maybe want to find each other in the arena?" Kindaichi sounded nervous now. He wouldn't meet Kunimi's eyes, and that made Kunimi extremely upset. 

"Absolutely." The reply is instant, so is the smile that adorns Yuutarou's pretty face.

"Until then." Yuutarou pulls him into a crushing hug, and that is the best thing Akira had ever experienced. 

-

"I want you to light him up." 

They made it six days. 

Six days of starvation.

Six days of suffering.

The best six days of Kunimi's life. 

But that wasn't enough for Kindaichi, and Kunimi understood that. Kindaichi hadn't resigned himself to dying like Kunimi had. He was still so beautiful and bright, full of life where Kunimi was dead. 

"You want to live" Bokuto's eyes were positively deranged, burning much like the torch he held in his hand "light your dead weight on fire. Burn your baggage, and you can come with us for a while. Or I can kill you both right now."

" Bokuto, please don-" the small ginger from seven was nearly in tears.

"Shut it, tiny. You're only alive right now because I like you. That will change very quickly if you keep interrupting me." 

Kindaichi eyed him with sorrow written all over his face. Kunimi knew it was over, the spark in his chest sputtered at the inevitable and necessary betrayal he was about to endure.

"I wasn't going to make it anyway," Kunimi forced his voice to an audible volume " he's right, Yuu. Burn your baggage." 

"You're right." Kindaichi's eyes were so hard, and Kunimi felt a whole new emotion, heartbreak. "You would've just died like a dog anyway."

Kunimi watched the only person who could make him feel alive disappear into thin air. Bokuto cackled as tears finally escaped Akira's eyes. 

"You know, I think you're growing on me." Kindaichi shared a smirk with Bokuto.

"Well sacrifices have to be made, and who better than him? He couldn't survive on his own anyway. It'd just be a waste to die for him." Kindaichi's voice was unrecognizable, and Kunimi felt another new emotion,smooth and dangerous, pure rage. 

I needed you, why is that so fucking funny?

" Thank you for teaching me so much, Kindaichi." A perplexed look danced across their faces' as Kunimi gently grasped the torch. " I don't know what I was thinking, you've been just as numb as me this whole time. I hope this is all worth it for you."

He touched the torch to his leg as the ginger let out a little scream, and the tall boy behind him wrapped him in his long arms. 

At least someone here is loved. 

Akira slips away in the smoke, it's agonizing, it's freeing. He'll never be numb again. It's all over and in his mind, he's won the game. 

-

Bokuto recovers from his shock quickly, and promptly shoves Kindaichi down, directly on Kunimi's still flaming corpse. He pins Kindaichi there with a boot on his back, while the irritating Shortie screams his disapproval, he'd have to do something about him later. Kindaichi's hands clutched at the snow, gouging out the earth beneath it as he writhed in white hot agony. He went limp fairly quickly, likely unconscious from the pain. He would die relatively soon. Bokuto removed his foot, and sat down by his little fire, enjoying the warmth despite the unpleasant aroma of burning flesh. 

"I thought you'd let him live as long as the sleepy one died?" Atsumu looked at him with something bordering on contempt in his eyes.

Oh, so that's how it is. 

"I said he had to light the dog on fire, and last I checked, the little freak did it himself." Bokuto stifled the shame and terror he felt."Besides, cowards don't win the Games. He would've died eventually."

"As much as I'm enjoying this sick little bonfire, we need to leave before we give away our location." Tsukishima pushes his broken glasses up his nose, seemingly unphased by the horrid scene he had just witnessed. Yamaguchi looked like he wished he was dead with their victims. Shortie had his face buried in Kageyama's shirt. Weak. 

"Please, as if any other tributes could take us on." Bokuto scoffed.

"Oh, I assure you, there are plenty. But I was referring to the genetically engineered animals that plague this place." Tsukishima was too smart for his own good, Bokuto was going to have to do something about that. 

He smashed the two bodies violently with his foot, and then proceeded to walk away, the others following in silence. 

Kindaichi felt something when he died, too, regret. 

I'm so sorry.


	5. i'd give you my lungs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Osamu just wants his brother to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! This is a pretty painful chapter, especially if you're a big fan of the miya twins. 
> 
> Tw: usual violence

Osamu didn't know what he was thinking. When they pulled his name, his heart sunk down to his knees, he felt as if he had already died. He was wrong, he had no idea what it meant to truly die, until moments later, when the universe conspired to shatter his entire being. Until the biggest coincidence in his district's history happens. Until he locked eyes with the other tribute, eyes identical to his own. Fuck. 

The district stood in awed and deadly silence, as they called for tributes. The silence became suffocating. 

So this is really going to happen. 

He reached his hand out toward his brother, and they locked together, raised high and mournful for all of Panem to see. Atsumu forced a beautiful smile, already pandering to the rich sponsors of the Capitol, Osamu can do no more than bite his cheek. 

-

"It's bad luck, you and your brother. How do you intend to deal with your relationship in the games?" Satori isn't missing tonight, his question puts a bitter taste in Osamu's mouth. 

"Atsumu is the reason I will lose." The crowd gasps, they're not used to someone openly declaring that they intend to lose. "I will never beat my brother, he is simply too strong to be defeated." 

That's right, get him sponsors. Please just let Atsumu live. Take me, he's the better twin. 

Satori's eyes glint, Osamu and him have reached an understanding. He knows exactly what Osamu is up to.

"Why do you say that?" 

"Because a Victor isn't just extraordinary physical talent, they also need the heart of a survivor. My brother has always carried the family, protected us all." Osamu leaves out the fact that they were side by side in taking care of their family "It will be an honor to participate in these games, but in the end the better twin has to survive." 

-

The most dangerous circumstance of the arena isn't necessarily the freezing temperatures, in fact, Osamu is fairly certain the icy ground has killed just as many people. He was walking back to the Carriers' camp, fresh water supply for the day in his hands. That's when the most painful thing he could ever imagine happened to him. 

His feet slid out from under him, and he was brutally snapped from his daydream, as icy cold water sloshed all over his face and hair. That meant death from hypothermia in this arena, but he wasn't thinking about that as he rolled to get up, only to come face to face with Atsumu's mutilated face. 

He didn't scream as his best friend's blood stained his hair and hands. His grief was as cold and silent as the tundra around him.

He had well and truly been destroyed. Atsumu's dead eyes, and warped face burrowed into his heart and shredded it.

Atsumu and Osamu working on the harvest, barely enough to eat, they'd make it as long as they had each other. 

Atsumu patting his back on the train, "good thing there's two of us, mom will get at least one of her sons back."

Atsumu taking lashes from the peacekeepers, because Osamu had offended one of them. He was always there to step in for his younger twin.

Atsumu  
Atsumu  
Atsumu

Before his grief can eat him alive, he hears a final sickening crack, turning just in time to see a green haired boy from three go limp in Ushijima Wakatoshi's massive grip. 

Rage always appears at the worst of times. Violent and surprisingly well calculated, Osamu proves just how much he lied about being the weak twin in his interview, as he charges Wakatoshi.

He feels the cold blade twist his guts, but he is not thrown on the ground like the others, Usijima sets him down, almost gently. 

He is dying. But so is Wakatoshi, he realizes with a start. His scythe had ripped Ushijima wide open. They would both be dead in the next few minutes.

"....why couldn't you have at least let me hold him while he…." an ugly sob finally escaped Osamu.

"No one let me hold him." Ushijima motioned to a headless corpse, and Osamu felt his sanity crack.

"We are the same." He whispered, life escaping his lungs with each breath.

Ushijima's eyes were sad as he looked at the sky. 

"Indeed." Ushijima replied.

The lights began to dim in his head.

His eyes slipped shut, and just like that he followed Atsumu, just as he always had.


	6. lately its been hard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakusa recognizes the boy from ten. And he misses him.

Sakusa despised his work, he despised the filth and squalor surrounding him in the mines. Twelve was a miserable place to live, being born there meant a short, painful life told in mournful shades of gray and black ash. No one was happy in Twelve, but it was obvious that Sakusa was especially out of place.

He went to the reaping almost hoping he'd get chosen, it was sick, but a lifetime in Twelve seemed almost worse. Two of his coworkers were reaped instead, he would have to do enough work to make up for their absence. Fate really was such a bitch. 

He lived this way, barely existing, skinny and terrified, until he saw him. Sakusa admittedly wasn't charmed when he first saw the guy, he only ever half watched the reapings, so it was a miracle the guy even caught his attention. He felt a shocking little twinge in his heart when he realized they were twins, it was all a little too tragic for his taste. But that was the first time he'd felt anything in months, he was infatuated.

-

"Do you think he's handsome?" Sakusa turned, eyeing Suna in surprise as their hands continued working despite their conversation. "It's okay, I personally prefer Osamu." Suna shrugs his shoulders, as if he simply didn't care.

"No I just-" Sakusa begins to deny his infatuation only to be interrupted by Atsumu himself.

"Woah Satori, yer hitting me with some tough questions tonight!" Sakusa watched with rapt attention as the golden haired man leaned on his hand, eyes glossy and empty "I guess my biggest regret is that I never really took a real likin' to anyone. It's a little sad, ya know? Somethin' ain't right about dyin' when ya haven't done much livin'. Like I didn't finish the job." 

Sakusa's gut twisted, he felt like something was terribly wrong, like Atsumu was meant to be elsewhere. It was primal, he had no idea why he felt so connected to someone he had never met before. 

"Have you ever felt like you've been close to 'taking a liking to someone? The people would looove to know." Satori let lose a small chuckle, but it sounded strained to Sakusa. 

"I'm sure they would." Atsumu laughed mischievously and Sakusa absently hopes his looks will get him some sponsors. "There was this one time, when I was fourteen, I wound up in district Twelve on accident." 

Sakusa felt his eyebrows raise in surprise, travel between districts was strictly prohibited. How had Atsumu even survived such an ordeal?

"I met this boy, probably aroun' my age. Let me tell ya, he sure was a looker. Curly dark hair and these two cute little moles righ' above his left eyebrow. " He felt Suna's eyes land on him as he dropped his tools in shock. "He was so smart! He knew right away that I was in trouble, and he hid me! I've been meanin' to try an' find him again."

Everyone was looking at him now, but Sakusa didn't even notice, he was too busy trying to breath.

"Why didn't you? Now it might be too late!" Satori seemed genuinely interested. 

"Well ya see, hidin' me was a punishable offense, he got in trouble cause of me. I figured even if I could sneak back, he wouldn' want nothin' to do with me. Maybe if I hadn't gotten into this-" Atsumu cut himself off when his voice started to warble.

Suna put a hand on Sakusa's shoulder, keeping him grounded. 

"Will you look for him if you win?" Satori grins, genuinely dazzled by the prospect of Atsumu finding his long lost savior.

"I don' even know his name or if he remembers me," Atsumu lifts his head and grins at the audience, and Sakusa "but it's only a matter of time before I find out!"

Oh I remember you. Too well. 

"Well, I wish you and him the best of luck, Atsumu!" 

-

They had been about fourteen when it happened. Sakusa saw him at the same time a peace keeper did, and before either of them knew what happened, their hands were joined and they were running.

Sakusa had never felt more alive than he did then, sneaking Atsumu back onto the train. Protecting this boy he knew nothing about felt right, like something was tying them together.

"I'm gonna come back here someday, an' I'll be the one doin' all the savin' then." 

Just as Sakusa was gearing up to reply, he felt the scalding tongue of a Peacekeeper's leather whip dig into his back. The train began to roll, carrying an irate Atsumu far, far away. Sakusa smiled a bit as he was tied to a post, and the lashes became so frequent he began to forget.

The pain consumed almost everything, including most of his memory of Atsumu. But Atsumu was stubborn in every way, so stubborn that even Sakusa's memory of him wouldn't totally fade.

-

Suna held him up when the Canon went off. He had continued working right up until he saw Atsumu in Ushijima's grasp, his eyes rolling back as he died. It was a horrible, grotesque death that brought vomit up Sakusa's throat. His eyes were wet, and he didn't quite feel real.

"Th-they just….h-he just sliced h-him up...it's filthy." He was shaking, as Suna pulled him into a hug. 

"I know Sakusa, I know." He didn't miss the sound of disdain Suna made when Osamu followed his brother moments later. 

-

The silver haired guy was extremely recognizable, pretty eyes and a distinct beauty mark made it impossible to ignore him.

"Why are you here?" Sakusa has never cared much about manners, he is simply grateful that Sugawara appears to be a clean man.

"So you're Atsumu's mystery man. I'm Sugawara Koushi." Suga held out his hand, Sakusa did not take it.

"What do you want?" Suga puts his hand down at Sakusa's response, grinning in what appeared to be approval. 

"What do I want? I want to see how brave you are." Suga's eyes glinted with a kind of madness that suggests a boat load of trauma. Sakusa's eyes sometimes look similar to Suga's these days.

"How brave I am?" Sakusa hadn't felt brave in a long time.

"How do you feel about lightning, Sakusa?"


	7. i was calling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> suga can't afford to care about anyone else, not after his time in the previous games. too bad he's mentoring the best guy he's ever met.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Daisuga is my favorite ship so hopefully this sucks a little less than the others.
> 
> Tw: suicide

Living was never in the cards for Suga, this much was always clear to him. It was clear to him even as he smiled his way through his time in the arena, only to rip out the throat of his final competitor. He didn't even understand why he wanted to live so bad, apart from instinct. 

What did he have to look forward to?

Money?

Great, I can suffer through nightmares in a bigger bed.

Fans?

Their compliments mean nothing, I'm a murderer.

The taste of victory? 

It all tastes like ash when everyone around me is suffering. 

He knew living wasn't in the cards for him, yet he found it nearly impossible to let himself die.

-

The first tribute was flashy, he burned Suga's eyes, it was as if he had looked at the sun too long. The second looked terrifyingly regular. He had a muscular body, but Suga knew living wasn't in the cards for him either . As he stared at the tribute, he was met with huge, open brown eyes full of a gentle warmth, the human embodiment of a guiding hand. Guides never make it home, only victors. 

The games don't allow kindness. 

"Hello Daichi, Bokuto. My name is Sugawara Koushi, and I'll be acting as a sort of mentor to you two." Suga tried to keep his voice gentle as he talked to the men, but it hadn't ever come across as soft as it did before the games. 

"Woah, I can't believe I'm meeting you right now" Bokuto reminded him of an overexcited puppy " you're the one who took the 56th game with nothing but your smile and a knife!"

Suga watched the smile melt off of Daichi's face as he elbowed Bokuto.

"That's right, but I don't really like to visit that part of my life…" silver danced behind his eyes.

"Why? You were so coo-umph!" Daichi slammed his hand against Bokuto's sternum.

"He doesn't want to talk about it. Not everyone sees the games as an honor like you. For a lot of us, this is a living nightmare." Daichi hung his head, and Suga fought the sparks in his heart with everything he had. 

"Don't worry, Dai" where had that nickname come from " by the end of this, none of you will think of the games as an honor. Twenty three of you won't be thinking at all, and one of you will carry the burden of what people like to call victory." 

Daichi was looking at Suga intently, eyes roaming over his boney body, then his icy white skin, and finally, the purple bruises under his eyes.

"No one ever wins the games." 

Silver hair, angry eyes, blood everywhere.

You look just like me.

-

"Talk about him with me…" Daichi is sprawled across the roof of their building, sweaty and exhausted from the training they had just engaged in. "I mean, only if you want to."

Suga sat against Daichi, breathing heavy as Daichi's warmth seeped into his back.

So Daichi had heard his night terrors.

"His name was Semi. He was my best friend and I-I-" Suga exhaled, he'd never talked about this before " I ripped his throat out, and I went home and let everybody call it victory."

"Suga, you did what you had to." Daichi's voice was empathetic and passionate as he gripped Suga's hand gently.

"Is it bad that I wish I hadn't?" Daichi chokes on something, as Suga's eyes remain dry and vacant. 

They watch the sun, silent as if in mourning. 

"I think I could love you…" Daichi whispers, playing with Suga's fingers.

"Why would you say that to me?" Suga was crying now, hazel eyes glossy. "I can't afford to lose another one, please don't make me love you." 

"I leave tomorrow, Suga. If I don't tell you now I might never get the chance." Daichi was crying now too.

Without another word, Suga left Daichi alone on a roof, crying on his last night as a free man.

-

Daichi looked exhausted, Takeru clutched his shoulders from his position on Daichi's back. Suga couldn't help but picture Daichi holding the children they could've had just like that.

Oikawa's screams of grief when he was separated from Takeru were still fresh in all of Panem's minds. Suga had secured Daichi hundreds of sponsors the moment he found the abandoned Takeru and decided to do what he did best, protect him. 

The moment Daichi picked up the little boy, he was a favorite. 

Suga hated it, because the moment Daichi picked up Takeru also sealed his fate. He would never kill Takeru, and Suga knew that. 

Daichi killed Kyoutani as efficiently and painlessly as he could, soothing him into eternal sleep under the bone shattering grip of his hands. 

toolattoolatetoolateialreadyfellinlovewithyou.

It was just Daichi and Takeru.

"You know your uncle loved you so much, right?" Daichi sat by Takeru, the cold tundra whipping around their fire. 

"I miss him and Iwa...I miss a lot of people." Takeru's eyes were glossy.

This kid will never live a happy life. 

Daichi ruffles Takeru's hair, smiling as if he wasn't seconds away from death.

"We'll always be with you, so you don't have to miss us, ok?" 

"What are you talking about Daichi?" Takeru sounded a little more panicked now.

"Do me one more favor?" Daichi pointed upwards, toward the cold sky "Look at the stars, and think of us."

Suga holds his breath. 

Takeru obeyed, scared out of his mind. 

Daichi made his way into the woods, the cameras zooming in on him. 

"Listen, Suga." All of Panem is shocked, people gasp around him, making his skin heat up, "I don't know if you've changed your mind, but I need you to know that I haven't changed mine. Now do me a solid, and look away, baby." 

Daichi lifted his knife to his throat, and Suga did as he was asked, closing his eyes as the man he loved let all the blood out of his throat. 

Silent tears graced his cheeks as he heard the last cannon.


	8. come on mess me up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ennoshita has been in love with Tanaka as long as Tanaka has been in love with Kiyoko.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry my chapter summaries are so vague, but I kind of want to preserve the 🌌m y s t e r y🌌. This fic was super hard to write because I wanted Tanaka and Kiyoko for a sec with endgame Tanaka and Ennoshita, but I refuse to disrespect our queen Kiyoko.  
> Hopefully I managed to work that out.
> 
> TW:typical gore

He was so regular. Ennoshita was incredibly normal, he had a girlfriend, and a factory job lined up. Weird things don't happen to people like him, no he was supposed to live an unremarkable life trapped in a lukewarm marriage and a dead end job.

Maybe he's lucky he'll die young.

He hangs his head, heart in his mouth.

It's fine, there was nothing here for him anyway. 

"The second tribute from district eight…" Takeda's hand swirls around the bowl, sliding through the paper death sentences "Tanaka Ryuunosuke."

Ennoshita nearly dry heaved as the usually loud, boisterous Tanaka made his way to the stage, crying softly when he meets his girlfriend, Kiyoko's eyes. She's crying too. She'd won two years ago, but Tanaka had mentioned that she suffered from extreme PTSD as a result. Kiyoko really was a beautiful person inside and out, Ennoshita truly admired her. She came back from all that blood and murder to a simple life, and she was happy with that, Chikara couldn't do that, and he hadn't suffered like her. 

Kyoko was special, one of the Capitol's favorites even now due to her stunning beauty, and Tanaka loved her with what looked like his whole heart.

How could he not? Ennoshita reasoned. 

This would be magnificent if Tanaka wasn't going to die in a few weeks, and Ennoshita wasn't madly in love with him despite Kiyoko's existence. And Kiyoko knew, of course she knew, but she was never anything but kind to Chikara. Chikara would never act on his feelings anyway, he loved Kiyoko and Tanaka too much to do anything to disrupt them.

"Chikara" Ennoshita froze at Tanaka's unusually soft voice "it could be anybody. So why is it you?" Tanaka cried harder.

Everyone was staring, Ukai looked like he was about to get involved from the audience, and Takeda looked as though it physically pained him to ignore the crying boy. Ennoshita knew he was the only one who could do something, so he did. Ryuunosuke pushed his face into Chikara's shoulder, as if he were trying to block out his sister's pleas to take her instead. Saeko's greatest regret is that she was two years too old to volunteer.

"Sometimes bad things happen and you have to hurt the people you call friends." Ennoshita rubbed circles on Tanaka's back as Takeda continued talking, drawing everyone's attention back to him. 

Over Tanaka's shoulder, Ennoshita found Kiyoko's eyes, calm and wet with tears. She smiled in a way that made you want to sob rather than laugh. 

'Take care of him' she seemed to say 'love him for me.'

-

"Ennoshita? Do you think someone could be in love with two people at once?" Ennoshita sighed, setting down his water bottle. They were in a training session, so at least they could pretend they had a chance at surviving.

"I suppose," Ennoshita's heart beat faster, would Ryunnosuke finally say it? "why do you want to know?"

He and Kiyoko had both suspected this for so long. 

"I love Kiyoko. I wanted to marry her," the use of past tense made Ennoshita's heart break a little "but my whole life, you've always been so special. I don't know if it's love or why I'm even telling you this, but it feels a lot like love and I'm so scared, Chikara. I've only ever gone to you when I was scared, because even when I couldn't have Kiyoko, I always had you." 

Always a second choice. When you can't have Kiyoko I'll be there to catch you.

"I know, Ryuu." Again Chikara was cradling Ryuu, pulling him into the shadows lest any other tributes see his weakness. 

"I just- wait, what?" Ennoshita chuckled at the mortified look in his eyes. 

"You're not exactly subtle, Ryuu. I knew, Kiyoko knew, Saeko knew before anybody did."

Shit.

"Kiyoko knew?" Tanaka looked at his hands, shame all over his face "That must've been so painful for her."

Ennoshita felt like scum.

"No, Ryuu, she might have known we had feelings for each other, but she always knew she came first for you." Ennoshita felt the truth rush out of him, it was a real shame, feeling truly free for the first time only to be locked away in less than a week. "I always knew she came first too."

He didn't mean to sound so sad, but he'd been in pain for a long time.

"Wait. You have feelings, too?" This time Ennoshita truly did laugh at Tanaka's stupidity, until he was nearly in tears and Tanaka was thoroughly confused.

"Oh, Ryuu" another little giggle "I've loved you since I was six years old." His voice got serious toward the end. "Listen, I know you'll never love me like you love Kiyoko, but she and I agreed, I'll love you enough for the both of us until you die in that arena or you're on the train home. So we can take this however you want, we can ignore this whole conversation or-"

The air in his lungs vanished as Tanaka slammed Ennoshita against the wall, arms bracketing him. 

"Or what? What's the 'or', Chikara?" Ennoshita shivered, he could feel Tanaka's breath on his lips. 

"We could fall in love, because we know we're not going home." Ennoshita subconsciously tilted his face up a little.

"That's a good 'or'." 

Then they were kissing. It felt a lot like love.

-

They did exactly what they said they would, and knowing that he got to fall in love made it so much easier for Ennoshita to die on that cold arena floor. 

It happened so fast, one minute the game was beginning, the next, Tanaka was dead at the hands of some blond kid with glasses. Naturally, Ennoshita was out for blood the moment Tanaka was dead. 

He didn't get it. The innocent green haired kid appeared to love his best friend just as much as Chikara had loved Tanaka. So it wasn't a surprise when a hatchet sunk into his skull, and he had just enough time to grasp Tanaka's hand and comprehend his murderer's face.

"Nice swing, Yamaguchi. Let's get them to the burn pile." Glasses sounded about as fun as he looked.

"Only if we burn them together." He really did like this Yamaguchi.

"Why? It'd be much quicker to burn them separately."

"Tsukki, just let them have this." Yamaguchi sounded so kind, and Ennoshita wondered dimly how long that would last. Hopefully someone would kill him before he lived long enough to become the monster the games created.

At least I fell in love.

Flames consumed Tanaka and Ennoshita, long after their awareness had left them, and Kiyoko could only smile through her tears.

"Thank you, Chikara."


	9. it's hard to grow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He promised not to volunteer, now they're both destroyed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Bokuto had me straight hURTING in this one, so enjoy that nonsense. 
> 
> Tw:the usual violence, pretty non graphic this chapter

Makki always wore flowers in his hair. These vibrant, beautiful flowers clung to his strands, distracting Mattsun, and causing something akin to a flower to grow in his chest. Sometimes it was terrifying, the intense love he felt for Makki, but seeing the same love in Makki's eyes never ceases to calm him. 

"If you get picked, I'll volunteer for you. I promise." Mattsun looks up at Maki from his place on the ground, his gentle boy is picking flowers, to distract himself from Mattsun's glare. 

"If you volunteer for me I will never forgive you." He reaches up, caressing Makki's soft cheek, "There is nothing worse you could do to me than die in my place and leave me behind with only my guilt and half my heart."

Maki began to cry, panicked sobs escaping his chest. In another life, one where they didn't have to fight so hard to survive, Mattsun thinks they would've been much better. But it's hard when everyday is another tragedy. 

"Promise me you won't volunteer for me, then." Makki is almost done with his crown. Mattsun put his name in twenty three times in order to secure extra food for his family, Makki was in there eleven times. The odds of Makki getting picked were just small enough for Mattsun to agree.

"I promise, ok? But enough with this talk, neither of us are going anywhere. What kind of crown are you making this time?" That moment, curled together in a meadow, lives in Mattsun's mind, bathed in gold and too precious to share.

-

Makki smiled a gentle angelic smile when they called his name, he looked as if he were already dead, a gentle ghost. He squeezed Mattsun's hand, panic filling his eyes when Mattsun refused to let him go. 

"I'm so sorry I lied to you, Makki. Take care of my family, yeah?" While Makki was shocked, Mattsun pressed a quick, loving kiss to his lips.

"I volunteer." He raised his hand, finally pulling away from Makki as he began to scream.

"YOU LIAR! YOU SEETHING FUCKING LIAR! YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME LIKE THIS, I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH FOR YOU TO-TO TO LEAVE..bastard..." a huge choking sob rips from Makki's thin chest "...p-please just don't...just please take it back...take it back right now...you promised…take it back…"

Mattsun turns back, smiling sadly, and bends his head in a silent invitation. Makki shakes even harder when he realizes what Mattsun is asking. Panem watches in awe as the beautiful boy removes the ample and vibrant flower crown from atop his head, and rests it gently on his lover's head. 

Makki lifts his head, eyes bright and determined.

"I'll bring this crown back to you when I win." He moves toward the stage, Makki sobbing behind him.

-

"I would ask if you had someone back home, but judging by your reaping video we already know the answer to that question." Makki laughs at Satori's statement, adjusting his flower crown lovingly. "What do you plan to do when you finally get to return that flower crown?"

"Well I'll replace it with a wedding ring, of course." The crowd gasps, and in district eleven, Makki cries bitter tears. They both know they'd never get the wedding they dreamt of. 

-

When Mattsun dies, Makki doesn't scream. He doesn't cry the way he thought he would, he doesn't really feel a goddamn thing as Makki is sliced open in front of his eyes, his stomach spilling in the most horrifying way. 

"Anything you wanna say, flower boy?" The carrier from three, Tsukishima, asks the question. Mattsun gurgles and coughs up a fair amount of blood, Makki blinks. "What? Nothing to say to your princess? What was it you said..hm...oh, Yamaguchi do you recall?"

"Of course, Tsukki!" The two carriers stir hatred in Makki's heart, he wants to be there, to caress Mattsun's soft hair as he dies, and then to ensure he dies right afterward. "'I'll bring this crown back to you when I win', pretty silly now, huh." Yamaguchi snickers. 

"It sure is, I think we should leave it on him. Maybe he can bring it back when they send home his body." Makki bites his lip, shaking with barely suppressed rage, while Mattsun's mother urges him to look away. "Or…"

And then Tsukki plucks the crown right off of Mattsun's head, and promptly smashes it beneath his feet, disfiguring and destroying it, then placing it back on Mattsun's head. All while Yamaguchi giggled. 

Makki recalled the scared little children those two had been at the reaping just a few days earlier. 

The games really messed with their heads. 

"C'mon Tsukki, it's almost time to eat." Without another thought they left what they thought was Mattsun's dead body in the freezing snow of the arena. 

Then his eyes opened and Makki let lose a painful breath, watching with unflinching attention.

"Bloom...bloom….bloom anyway, okay? Just...promise me you'll keep growing after I'm gone. " Mattsun just kind of stopped, his chest stilled, and his eyes glazed over. 

Ah, there it is. Makki felt the pain then, invading his cells and rotting his core.

How the fuck will I grow when you've left me without water?


	10. love is not enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yaku didn't mean to love him, but he's glad he does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW:typical violence, suicide

Morisuke despised crying in front of people, so much so that when his name was pulled from the reaping bowl, he was only angry at himself for being unable to stem the flow of his tears. He swore he wouldn't cry again after that, even when faced with his own inevitable death. That didn't happen, of course. Everyone cries at the end. 

-

He didn't mean to become an ally with the freakishly tall boy from district seven, but Lev was scared and christ, something about him made it impossible to leave. So Yaku let Lev draw him close and curl around him for warmth, and they learned how to coexist almost perfectly. Yaku knew it was only a matter of time before it all went down in flames. 

The barren tundra that was their arena had an eerie silence about it. The stars burned so real, sharp and crisp in the bright winter sky. They were heading toward their shelter, when they came into contact with the bear. Yaku knew their best bet was to say their goodbyes now, and judging by Lev's shattered, grim expression, he knew it too. The moonlight hit the bear's icy white fur, and Yaku slid in front of Lev full of a confusing sort of courage. 

"Morisuke if we run-" Lev began, desperation evident in his voice. 

"No, not we, you. You will run, Haiba. Run as fast as you can." Yaku's voice is fierce and unforgiving as he keeps his eyes trained on the approaching bear. 

"No way. I'll die anyway, and I'll either die with you or cold and alone." Lev wraps his fingers around Yaku's, sending a shock of warmth up his arm.

"Fuck, Lev, please just leave me-" Yaku is crying now and the bear is close enough to make out a few facial details. 

"Back home, we have all of these beautiful trees. I spend all day cutting them down, and climbing them. Someday, I'll take you to see them. You'll come see them, right, Morisuke?" Lev's bright eyes filled with tears and Yaku cried harder. They cherished each other.

" I look forward to seeing the trees with you, Lev." I cherish you. 

"T-Thank you so much." I'm so glad we found each other.

The bear was close enough that Yaku could count the teeth in it's mouth. Lev whipped him around into his arms, pushing Yaku's face into his chest. And they breathed each other in, as Yaku felt the hot breath of the bear on his neck. 

"Look up, baby." Lev whispered softly, and after a moment of confusion Yaku felt a blade press into his jugular, like an icy kiss. He lifted own blade to Lev's neck on instinct, and upon locking eyes with him, finally understood. 

"One-" Lev picked him flowers a week ago, he still had one in his pocket.

"Two-" Yaku braided Lev's hair three days ago, it still looked good.

"Three." They slashed each other's throat, collapsing forward, and falling together. 

Behind their eyes, they saw the endless forest they would visit together, and the cannons were nothing but background noise. 

"Ah there goes nine and seven, such a beautiful display of the affection and bonds these fantastic games can foster." Tendo's voice announced, the cameras zooming in on the bear, as it consumed Lev and Yaku's lifeless bodies. "Though it is a shame, it would've been much more entertaining if they hadn't taken matters into their own hands."


	11. it was almost love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tendou has been pretending his whole life, Ushijima makes him feel real again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW:typical violence

Tendou Satori had claws, claws so sharp that he had managed to scratch his way up to the moderator of the Hunger Games, it was his face everyone saw on the news, and the interviews. Contrary to popular belief, not everyone was rich in the capitol, and not everyone was adored. Especially not monstrous little boys with hearts too big for their bodies, or boys with dangerous little brains. Satori learned three things very early in life.

Stay vigilant, you can be unhinged enough to make them notice you, but not enough to upset them.

Getting to the top is hard, falling from it is much easier.

Don't waste your time saving other people, all it will do is complicated things.

These three rules kept him smiling through the first two games he hosted. He was young, only twenty one, the youngest host in the Capitol's history, in fact. He was also the best, ratings skyrocketed, people were drawn to his odd comments and charming whimsy. He ignored the crippling guilt that gnawed at his monstrous heart in favor of the glory.

"Ladies and gentlemen your master of ceremonies, Miracle Boy, Tendou Satori."

Satori bows, forcing a grin at the meaningless clapping.

" Thank you so much for your applause, I'm honored," he giggles mirthlessly "now, please lend it to me again as we welcome our first tribute from district one, Goshiki Tsutomu."

And Tendo feels his heart clench painfully as the first tribute meets his eyes. His head had been hung the whole way across the stage, he was scratching his palms nervously. God, this kid couldn't be more than fourteen, why on earth did he volunteer? 

"Hey kiddo, what's with the long face?" His voice wavers a bit.

Stop being so soft, they aren't here to watch you cry over some street rat. 

"I miss my mom." The boy replies without a second thought. The audience slips into noises of sympathy, eating up this boy's heartbreak.

"I'm very sorry to hear that, Tsutomu. Is there anything you'd like to say to her?" Tendou knows he shouldn't do this. This is not part of his script. He's risking his life for this kid and his big, sad eyes.

After a moment, Tendou was scared the kid would start to cry, but instead he lifted his head, asymmetrical bowl cut swooshing around him as he did so.

When he looked into the camera, Tendou couldn't help but smile at the proud intensity in the boy's eyes.

That's right, never let them see you cry. Good boy.

"Mom, I'm going to make it home, okay? I'm going to be there to take care of you. You won't lose me, so just don't worry, alright? When the lights go out on me, I'll find my way home somehow, no matter what. I'll always be with you." Tendou was pinching his palm under his desk, forcing his face to relax while the audience shed crocodile tears. This was Goshiki's last stand, and they all knew it.

"Tsutomu," the boy turns toward him "do me a favor, and try to win anyway, okay?" 

He smiles as the boy nods, his eyes vacant once again. He leaves with no more than a wave and a small bow toward the audience. He changed Tendou's life.

"Well after that mournful interview please help me welcome our next tribute, Ushijima Wakatoshi." Tendou was excited for this next one, from the moment he saw the beautiful man on the Reaping broadcast, he had been interested. "Hello Wakatoshi." 

"Good evening, Satori. Are you well?" Tendou smiled at the boy's matter of fact tone, Tendou liked him indeed.

"This isn't about me, silly Ushi." Ushijima smirked, and Tendou felt butterflies. So Ushi liked the nickname. "How have you liked the capitol so far?" 

"Well it's much better now that I've met you." He said nonchalantly, like he hadn't just scrambled Satori's brains. The audience howled with amusement, he was a hit.

"O-Oh is that so?" Satori replied, blushing.

"Well,you see,in my district, I only ever trained for the games. I never had time for anything else, not that anyone there could compare to you." The boy chuckled low and deep, Satori's skin broke out in goosebumps when he looked in Ushi's eyes, this really wasn't just an act. 

"How old are you?!" Satori shrieked. Ushi smirked again, the audience screamed their approval. Tendou was losing his composure and the audience was loving it.

"Only two years younger than you and perfectly legal. " Ushi winked. Winked. Once again Satori had to wait for the audience to quiet down before he replied. 

"Where is all of this coming from? At the reaping you seemed so reserved-" Satori began only to be interrupted by Ushi's hand on his over the desk. Everyone watched with rapt attention. 

"Well I've decided I don't have much to lose now." Tendou's eyes squeezed shut against the pain those words brought. "Make me a promise if I win?" Ushi was playing the crowd like a fiddle, but Tendou could tell he was genuine. 

"Anything, Ushi, dear." He giggles, playing into the audience with Ushijima now.

"If I win, I get to take you on a date.I will make you fall in love with me." Ushi smiled innocently and Tendou felt himself slip.

"I think I'm almost there from this conversation alone. You're a smooth talker Ushi." 

"Great, we can get married right after I win." The crowd screamed as Satori nearly fell from his chair. This boy-he was it for Satori. 

"Goodbye, my love." Ushi whispered, pressing a kiss to Satori's hand, as the crowd collapsed back into chaos. 

-

Later that night, with Ushijima kissing a line down his neck, and his hands fisted in his hair, Satori finally decided falling wouldn't be bad, as long as he had Ushi.

"I am going to die, Tendou." Ushi panted when they were finished.

"But you're from one, you've trained your whole life to kill-" 

"Do you know why you really caught my eye? You're beautiful, of course." Ushi pets his hair softly, it's all so much "But do you know what made you so special to me? Special enough for me to propose to you the night I met you on a live broadcast?"

Tendou buried his face in Ushi's chest. 

"No. What was it?" 

"The way you treated Tsutomu. The kindness you showed him is rare in this place, and you risked your life to give him one last gift." Ushi was so much more complex than people gave him credit for. "I will kill everyone in our path, and then I will kill me, so Goshiki can go home."

"Oh God Ushi-" tears fell from Tendou's eyes as he thought of that sweet boy he had told to win. 

"Take care of him for me, will you?" 

Tendou let out a painful breath. 

"Anything you want."  
-  
Nothing goes the way you expect in the games, Tendou has seen enough to know this. But he still bites his hand so hard it breaks when he watches Goshiki's severed head roll across the field, toward Ushijima. Hoshiumi, his co-host, spares him one glance and then takes over the commentary. 

He watches the moment his Ushi turns into a monster, he watches four tributes die beneath his swift and just hands. Two escape severely wounded. One of the two threw up the moment they antics started, a sweet little ginger from Seven. 

"Your man has some muscles, Miracle Boy." Hoshiumi laughs.

Tendou's smile is so unhinged that Hoshiumi leans a few inches away. 

"He's a glowing gift to the capitol." It's obvious to everyone that Tendou has changed, he is dangerous now.


	12. we were born to die

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> yahaba just wants someone to care about him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I love kyouhaba and there is not nearly enough fic for them so I'm actually kind of proud of this one, enjoy or don't idk!
> 
> TW:typical violence

Nothing hurt Kentarou anymore, he was so sure of that. His theory concluded that you could only experience so much pain before you became blissfully numb. He realized in a few short seconds that his theory was no more than a child's way of coping with relentless trauma. He'd never met his parents. He had no siblings. He would've starved as a child had Iwaizumi not taken him under his wing. The idea of killing Hajime? Kentarou had never considered it, and he refused to consider it even as he walked toward the stage to stand next to his protector.

He was not immune to pain, in fact, all he'd ever been given was more and more pain, as if it were a sick sort of birth right. 

Nothing could've prepared him for the mental anguish of seeing his people's fearful faces as he left them behind. Who would feed them? He and Iwaizumi fed a lot of them, always ready to save a starving child or protect an old man. 

So much for putting good things out and getting good things back.

Just more fucking torture.

-

District six was quiet after Yahaba was hauled up. The walk to the stage was the longest walk of Yahaba's life, his legs trembled the whole way, it was humiliating.

Don't you dare fall, stupid, no one is ever there to catch you. 

He seethe when he saw the tears in the audience's eyes, he wasn't stupid enough to believe that those tears were for him.

He wasn't proud of what he did next.

He glared menacingly at Kenma, practically green with envy.

Why can't anyone just fucking care about me?

Why won't anyone mourn me?

Why does he get someone like Kuroo? What makes him so special?

"Congrats. They fucking adore you. Tell me, what is it like to watch everyone cry for you?" Kenma looked shell shocked. Shigeru was satisfied. 

He left for the train without another word, entirely bypassing his chance to say goodbye to anyone. No one would've been waiting for him anyway. 

-

The glamor of the Capitol disgusted Kyoutani, and enamored Yahaba. 

There was a middle ground, a place outside of social standards, where two vastly different people met entirely by chance. 

Yahaba loved the horses. Kyoutani loved the horses. They hated each other.

"You stink, did you shower after training?" Yahaba brushed his fingers through the horse's hair. Kyoutani scoffed, glaring at Yahaba's stunning costume. He blushed.

"My stylist made me." The reply was gruff and irritated as Kyoutani pulled his shiny black crop top lower. The entire costume nonsense was embarrassing. Yahaba loved it of course.

Maybe I would love it too, if I looked as good as he did.

Kyoutani fed a spiteful sugar cube to the horse.

"You're such a dog." Kyoutani bristled at Yahaba's remark, his feelings were actually hurt. 

Yahaba's face fell as he took in the accidental damage he'd done. 

It was a bad idea, he knew it was. But that didn't stop him from squeezing into Kyoutani's space, and rubbing his thumb along the bottom of his eye, smudging his eyeliner just right. 

"Much better, puppy." He smiled and pulled away, not saying another word as Kyoutani swayed on his feet, cheeks red.

-

They smashed into each other three days into the games, and when Yahaba wiped the tears of pain away and finally took Kentarou's face in, he bristled with rage. His cheek was swollen, a massive cut from his eyebrow to the bottom of his jaw adorned his face, obviously infected. 

"Who?" They barely knew each other, and yet Yahaba was positively pissed on behalf of his fellow loner. 

"Kids from three." Kyoutani didn't seem to care. He never seemed to care, and that made Yahaba shake with rage.

"Stupid little shits. Let's find them, give them cuts just like yours." 

Kentarou laughed, shattering Yahaba's rage and replacing it with shock.

Why is his laugh so nice?

"Calm down, Creampuff" Yahaba blushed at the nickname " don't waste your time killing other tributes when there are so many that will do it for you." 

"Come with me please." Yahaba clapped a hand over his mouth as soon as he said, instantly expecting a prompt 'no thanks' from Kyoutani.

That's what everyone said.

"Like an ally?" Kyoutani was as unreadable as ever.

"I'm sorry that was stupid, of course you'd say no I'm sorry I made this awk-" Yahaba was already turning to leave.

" No! I mean...I want to do it. If you still want to, I want to." Kyoutani was grasping Yahaba's wrist firmly, and Yahaba couldn't help but shiver at the warmth.

"C'mon." Kyoutani's lips twitched as he observed Yahaba trying to stifle a grin.

-

Yahaba knew he was dead the moment he saw the first of the wolves. The tundra was cold and silent, a brutal subzero night. Kyoutani was gathering water for the next day. Yahaba was going to die cold and lonely, just like he always knew.

Even standing outside made him feel as though he had a permanent brain freeze. He thought back to the bodies they'd found buried, of the cold, lifeless faces of Iwaizumi and Oikawa. Kyoutani had screamed, a guttural, painful sound that made Yahaba fall on his knees to cradle him. He shuddered at the thought of Kyoutani inevitably discovering his body. 

Would he even care? Would he clutch his head and wail, or would he simply sigh and go back to their shared cave.

It wouldn't matter in a few moments. The wolf had turned into wolves, not actual wolves, but electronic pawns of the gamemakers. Electronic pawns with deadly intelligence and full intent to rip Yahaba clean a part. 

It began fast and messy, Yahaba thought he might be okay with dying if it would be over fast. But then they slowed. It was agonizing, and the screams ripped his throat raw as violent teeth stripped him of his life. Tears stained his cheeks as the arena around him took a red haze. He tried to count stars, and as he did the pain felt more distant. 

He closed his eyes, and thought of the only person who'd ever acted like they cared about him; Kyoutani. 

-

The stars were so pretty that night, and though Kyoutani wasn't normally one to stop and look, he risked his life to gaze at them. He wondered if Yahaba was doing the same. He wondered a lot about Yahaba these days. He wondered if they could've fallen in love, or even if they were falling in love already, despite the circumstances. That really scared him.

He'd endured so much pain, but falling in love only to have it savagely ripped from you went beyond pain. It would kill him. He really didn't want to be in love.

He broke his eye contact with the artificial stars, and began to head back to camp. He figured he and Yahaba would curl up and share body heat again, he looked forward to the warmth.

The water bottle shook in his grip as he got closer to their cave, something was wrong. Something beyond pain, beyond anguish, beyond comprehension, had happened. 

"Y-Yahaba?" He was shivering as he rounded the corner and promptly dropped the bottle. His mind shattered into painful, warped little fragments. His stomach lurched and then began to fill with cold, violent rage.

Fucking dirty muts. 

Yahaba looked as though he was sleeping, but Kyoutani knew better, his eyes tracking the disgusting monsters ripping apart his person.

My person.

He moved fluidly after that, and he remembered every blood soaked moment of his revenge, ripping each and every mut apart, right down to their wiring.

"Goodness" Hoshiumi sounded genuinely terrified of the rabid tribute "that's quite unnecessary."

"They ripped apart his ally, the only person he's had through this all." Tendou was deadpan, exhausted and empathetic after just losing his person " If that isn't reason enough for you, then I don't know what would be."

Hoshiumi laughed even though there was no joke.

Kyoutani bit, tore, and screamed at the moon, reduced to a beast by his own shattered heart. He was definetly falling in love and it was all ruined. The one good thing he had was destroyed. He gave up on being human that night. 

"I have an idea" Tendou sighed as Hoshiumi continued " let's call him the 'Mad Dog'. Get it? Because he's gone feral."

"I get it, Hoshiumi, I just don't like it." Satori sounded irritated, because he knew no one would agree with him in the Capitol. He was right, the disrespectful nickname stuck, and soon people forgot Kyoutani had a name, or a heart.

Covered in gore and wires, Kyoutani pulled himself away from the mess, pulling Yahaba with him. He set the beautiful boy's head in his lap, petting his hair and gasping through his sobs. 

"I think I loved you, Shigeru. I think I still do? I think I always fucking will and you're gone." It was matter fact, it was raw, it was agony.

People laughed at their TV's in the Capitol, mocking the "mad dog" as his world caved in. No one in the districts gave it much thought, they were each other's favorite, but no one else's. 

He clawed at his golden buzzcut and screamed at the stars while Yahaba floated between a painful death, and a blissful existence Elsewhere.

He opened his eyes, and gazed at Kyoutani who promptly grabbed his hand, sobbing.

"Sh, puppy, don't cry. It's okay, you're all I really need." His bottom half continued to bleed, he would be dead in the next minute.

"I love you, Shigeru." Yahaba's grin could've lit the whole Capitol.

"That's more than I ever could've ever wished for." Kyoutani pulled Yahaba further into his chest, cradling him until he felt him stop working. He was right, losing Yahaba did kill him.

-

He stayed alone after that, a mad dog tormented by the memories of the only person who could've tamed him. There were three left, he'd almost won.

He didn't want to win anymore.

"Please don't make this harder than it needs to be." Daichi set Takeru down on his feet shielding the child with his body.

"Can I talk to him?" Kyoutani's voice was a feral growl. "I'll lay down my weapons, you can stand behind me and watch me. Just let me talk to him." 

Daichi was awestruck, everyone was, even the ignorant people of the Capitol.

"Why?" Daichi trusted him based on intuition, but he was still curious.

"He reminds me of a brother I had…" Kyoutani's eyes were far away as Iwaizumi flashed through his head, so much like the boy in front of him.

"Oh." Daichi got soft, recalling Iwaizumi and Kyoutani's brotherly friendship.

Kyoutani kneeled in front of Takeru, looking the boy in the eye.

"I'm going to die for you in a few minutes." Kyoutani says it matter of factly, he can see that Takeru has grown up in the past few weeks. 

"I'll make sure it's worth it, I swear." The brave little kid lifted his chin, his expression similar to the one he wore at the reaping, but this time it was much more unsettling. Kyoutani always made that face.

"Lightning. Strike them, and sink your teeth in. Tear them apart." He didn't even need to tell him exactly what he was talking about. Takeru knew.

"I'll do it for all of you."

So much like Iwaizumi, the weight of the world on his shoulders.

"Iwaizumi and your Uncle are proud. And so am I."

He hugged the kid tight, and that was it. 

"Thanks for this." 

Daichi turned around in surprise as he led Kyoutani into the woods, neither of them wanted Takeru witnessing even more atrocities.

"What?"

"Thanks for putting me out. I haven't wanted to win for a long time." He bared his neck, waiting for Daichis strong grip to snap it. But instead he felt his grip pull him into a hug.

"For what it's worth, I think you deserved so much more than what you've been given." Kyoutani sobbed into Daichi's shoulder while Daichi rubbed fatherly circles into his back. 

"You're a great guy, Daichi." Yahaba flashed through Kyoutani's brain, as he felt himself begin to hope again. He hoped for an afterlife, one where he and Yahaba could finally belong to each other, forever.

"Shhh. Just rest, Kentarou. I'm going to do it now, but I want you to relax first. I know it's hard." Kentarou's arms went lax as Daichi placed his warm hands on his neck, with a sudden flick of his wrists and a sharp cracking noise, Kyoutani was free.


	13. things will be okay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tsukishima and yamaguchi are....different.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW:typical violence

Kei didn't care about the games. He didn't pay any mind to the kids who died, nor did he consider it an immediate cause for worry. Plus, the probability of them calling his name was very low. 

Looking back, he's certain he jinxed himself thinking like that.

"....T-Tsuki….no…" Tadashi is reaching out as if to touch him when Tsukki shakes his head.

"Stop crying, you look stupid." Tsukishima hadn't felt the urge to cry since his childhood, and something about Yamaguchi's tears made this all too real.

"I'm going to voluntee-" Yamaguchi falls back at the look Kei shoots him.

"Shut up, Yamaguchi." Tsukki says it with venom, people are staring at this rate he won't get sponsors at all "Take care of your girlfriend, instead of running off to some arena." 

Tadashi's face crumbles, and Kei knows it's not fair to use Yachi to make him feel bad, but he takes grim satisfaction in hurting Tadashi anyway. 

Tadashi made his choice, and his choice was a normal life with Yachi. Kei was almost glad he was going to his death. This way he could avoid watching the boy he loved grow old and happy with someone else.

"Gomen, Tsukki." Tadashi was meek, looking to his girlfriend for support the way he used to look to Kei. It made Tsukishima breath heavy with the effort it took to contain his rage as he stepped toward the podium. 

The sun hung high in the sky, washing Yamaguchi in soft crystalline strands of gold. The brown and green mix that made up his hair shone, and Kei mapped out every strand in his memory. He committed Tadashi's freckles to his internal storage. He gripped on to the soft hues of his eyes, and memorized those, too. 

I hate loving him.

"Yachi Hitoka." 

"Wha-What?" His logic was crumbling, and now his world was ending too-

Oh God.

Soft, warm trails slither down his cheeks.

I'm crying.

I'm ripping apart at the seams.

In front of everyone.

How does this even happen in real life, the probability is so low-

"I volunteer." Tadashi is surprisingly steady. Yachi had that effect on him. Tsukishima hated that.

He looked not at Yamaguchi, but Yachi, who was enduring possibly the worst panic attack of her life. He hated her then. To him, she was always playing a damsel in distress. To him, she was everything he ever wanted to be; worthy of Tadashi's love. To him, she was the reason Tadashi was going to die, and then he would die too, because there is no Kei without Tadashi.

Tadashi shot him a sad smile when they were prompted to shake hands, and Kei was filled with a wave of hatred far too close to love.

"You just ruined my life." Tsukki's mind had already connected the dots. He wouldn't win because he couldn't go home with Tadashi no matter what he did. And going home without Tadashi meant losing.

"What?" Tadashi looked cute even when he was heartbroken, and Kei hated him even more.

-

The bitter tundra sun didn't make an appearance until noon on their last day of life. It only seemed to be getting colder,and the days were shorter, it was clear that someone needed to win, sooner rather than later. 

"Tsukki?" Tadashi ran his fingers through his hair as Tsukki did his best to wash his face, all while avoiding hypothermia. They had to wash the blood from their skin, lest they go insane. They would never say it out loud, but their blood lust wasn't as intense as they made it out to be.

"Wha-" Tsukki fell silent as he looked over his shoulder, only to immediately feel Yamaguchi's palm against his cheek.

Am I awake right now?

"I think we're going to die today." Yamaguchi whispered as he leaned in, fully turning Kei around, and smashing their lips together. The kiss was violent like a last stand, a great big 'fuck you' to the world and it's opinion.

"Tadashi. Yachi." Kei was panting, cheeks pink like the strawberries he so often consumed. 

"Don't look at me like that, Kei." Kei did a double take at the bitter intelligence in Tadashi's voice "I'm not a child, I know what I'm doing. I've loved you my whole life and you've given me no choice but to fall in love with someone else. Yachi is an amazing girl, but we both knew I wouldn't be coming back. I get it if you don't love me back, but don't talk down to me about moral implications. I had to at least find the courage to try with you."

"I've loved you since we were seven and you asked me to marry you in the lunchroom. I said yes then, and if we could both survive this I'd say yes again." Yamaguchi looks at him softly, cheeks wind bitten, and eyes haunted. He leans in, and Kei meets him halfway, running his fingers through that green hair. Tadashi breathes deep and rubs soothing circles on Tsukki's back. 

"It'll be okay, right?" Tadashi knows the answer.

"Yes." Kei knew the answer, too.

This is love. This is moral turmoil. This is two dying lovers who found their courage just a little too late. 

-

When Ushijima waves his weapon toward Yamaguchi, the world is still shocked when Kei intercepts it. His insides spill over his feet and as his eyes begin to shift into the afterlife, he feels Yamaguchi's blood drip on his cheeks. His friend dangles above him, run through and bleeding out, neck crushed in Ushijima's massive hand. 

His eyes glossy over just as Yamaguchi is dropped on top of him. He doesn't know if it is intentional on Ushijima's part, but he is grateful regardless.

He cradles Yamaguchi as the sun sets, and the moon rises.


	14. dead in the water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> exactly what it says on the tin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: suicide, drowning

Kenma cried when they called Kuroo's name. His shy friend was so tiny, only twelve years old and more introverted than Kenma himself was. The name washed over the crowd, leaving them shocked as Kenma screamed and lunged for the stage. Yamamoto grasped him tightly, crying silent tears as he held the squirming child back. 

"Kuro-" the nickname came out choked, strained by the inevitable mind break the eleven year old was enduring. 

Kuroo looked at Kenma, his eyes got this look that he saved only for Kenma, even back then. He smiled mischievously and held a finger to his lips, but Kenma could tell that Kuroo was breaking, too. They felt it all in their tiny hearts, as they said goodbye.

But Kuroo came home, weeks later he left the train, smiling that same smile as he held a hysterical Kenma in his arms. To an untrained eye, it might have looked like Kenma was taking the experience worse than Kuroo. But if anyone looked at how tightly Kuroo was squeezing Kenma it would be obvious the games had scrambled him.

-

It was silent when they called Yahaba's name, and Kenma was ashamed to say he let out a sigh of relief.

He'd entered his name one time, Kuroo was adamant he keep his chances of getting picked as low as possible. They both knew Kenma would die if he went into the games. Only Kuroo knew that his life would end when Kenma's did.

Now we just have to make it one more year, and we'll be free.

One more year and then we'll have forever.

"K-Kenma, Kenma, please move Kenma. Kenma, bro, you need to move." Yamamoto was frantically jabbing at Kenma with his elbow.

"What?" Kenma was deep in thought, fantasizing a bit about his future with Kuroo.

"No. You can't have him." Kuroo's voice whispered, his pretty eyes shadowed by sorrow and unadulterated terror. "Not him, I'll go back" Kuroo is talking frantically now " I'll die this time,I promise, just leave him a-alone." An older tribute, Nobuyuki, grasped Kuroo's shoulder as the usually charismatic boy fell apart under some massive weight.

"Kenma, they picked you." Yamamoto's cheeks were wet as he gently pushed Kenma toward the stage. 

Kuroo didn't stop screaming, and the Peacekeepers were certainly not about 'punishing a past victor. Kenma had to get Kuroo to be quiet, for his sake and Kenma's. 

"K-Kuro?" Kuroo quieted instantly at Kenma's soft whisper. Kenma mustered all of his courage, and lifted his shaking finger to his lips. Kuroo understood immediately.

There is nothing we can do for us.

Kuroo shoved his fists into his hair, silencing his panic attack, but still fully experiencing it. Nobuyuki kept rocking him in his arms, and Kenma was incredibly grateful to him in that moment. 

-

Kenma talked to no one, he saw no point in making friends when they'd all be dead in a few days. He simply withdrew, crying, screaming, fighting with himself in the night. He rarely ate, his appetite was never big to begin with, but Kuroo always made him eat. Kuroo always made him fight. Kuroo always kept him alive. 

Kuroo wasn't there anymore and that was one of the most painful feelings Kenma had ever endured.

So why eat? Why try to make it out only to fail? 

How did we get such rotten luck?

Kenma dreamt of Kuroo. In a way, it feels like the universe is cruelly showing him the life they could've had but certainly won't have now. They were so close, the bitter word 'almost' comes to Kenma's mind.

His mentor, Nekomata, called him stupid, but Kenma knew that was his way of caring. He didn't want to see this frail sixteen year old brutally destroyed, but he can't make Kenma do anything.

In the scoring process, Kenma scores a soft five, much to everyone's dismay. He knew this, he'd calculated it. Kenma knew logically that he was closer to an eight due to his intelligence, but his unwillingness to even try to survive made him a five. 

During his interview, he holds his finger to his lips, smiling softly at the confused audience, back in district six, Kuroo bit his fist.

-

"What are you doing? Are you trying to get yourself killed?" The little ginger has had every chance to slit Kenma's throat, but as Kenma analyzes the ginger, he realizes the kid definitely doesn't have it in him.

Kenma really hopes in that moment that the ginger doesn't suffer when he dies. 

"I'm Shoyo and I'm going to let you run away, okay?" Kenma's eyes moisten at the innocence and kindness, Shoyo deserved so much better than this frozen he'll.

"Kozume." And with that Kenma is running as far and fast as he can. 

-

He spends his days alone, searching for water and what little food he needed to survive. His eyes had grown dead, his hair long and greasy because he was too smart to stick his head in the water. Getting wet would just increase the cold, eventually leading to his death. 

Kuroo hated looking at him like that, it made him itch.

Kenma clutched his jacket as he made his way to his normal source of water. 

He knew all of this was fake, everyone did. The arena was created by people, and those same people could change it to suit their needs. With a push of a button the icy lake Kenma was standing on gave way, just enough to plunge him into the black depths below. Kuroo didn't even have the air to scream as Kenma was forced under the thick ice. 

Kuroo merely got up, and left, leaving a very alarmed Nobuyuki behind as he made his way toward one of his and Kenma's favorite spots. 

Kenma went limp the moment he touched the water, because he'd already lost. The pain was a lot, sure, but there were worse ways to die, Kenma was sure of it. He still left deep scratch marks on the ice, it was human instinct to fight for survival at the end. 

Kuro?

He stood on the shores of Kenma's dying brain, reaching his hand out to him. This lake felt so familiar. It reminded him of a place he'd gone with Kuroo once, in what feels like a completely different life now.

Kiroo looked at the edge of the lake, picking at his skin as he thought of Kenma, of how cold he must be. He took his shoes off, then his socks. He began to wade into the water.

Kenma simply falls, deep and dark, hand outstretched toward his Kuroo.

Cold water can paralyze a person, in seconds it'll snatch the life out of even the strongest of people. Kuroo didn't even make it snatch the life out of him, no, he held his life out to the unforgiving waves. He reached out to Kenma as he was devoured by the excruciating water. 

He knows it's real when their hands touch, they had forever now.


	15. say goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oikawa was supposed to win, now he knows he has to lose. for takeru.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! This one actually hurt me pretty bad, and not only that,it's also my favorite one out of this entire series!
> 
> TW:Oikawa's junky knee and mentioned suicide.

"I've never really liked the ocean, you know?" Oikawa whispered softly, a calm tear rolling down his cheeks as he sat in the dark. "But the sky, the stars, now that's worth exploring."

-

District twelve was a desolate place, full of never ending hunger and emaciated corpses. Iwaizumi and Kyoutani buried a lot of them, when they weren't working in the mines. They had one full day off a year, the reaping day. Everything stands still on the reaping day.

"Iwaizumi Hajime." No one looked particularly disappointed at this name, and why would they? Iwaizumi was strong, stoic, and smart, twelve might even have a victor this year. Iwaizumi himself wasn't that upset, at least he'd get to eat well for the first time in his life. Plus, he was leaving his people in very good hands, he'd taught Kyoutani everything he knew. They were everything short of brothers.

With a short, but loving nod in Kyoutani's direction, Hajime made his way toward the stage. 

"Right then. Our second tribute," the announcer unfolded the second slip as Iwaizumi watched curiously "Kyoutani Kentarou." 

All of the air escaped his chest, and he wheezed in abject horror.

Suddenly, the boy he viewed as a younger brother, and Twelve's last protector, was by Iwazumi's side like a lamb to the slaughter. 

Neither of them cry, both of them want to.

-

Four is beautiful, full of sunny days fishing by the sea, and long swims in the ocean. 

Oikawa doesn't really like it much. Takeru does, he jumps around the water with reckless abandon. Most days Oikawa joins him, if only to avoid obsessive fangirls and ensure his aggressive nephew keeps his head above water.

That's how they ended up at the reaping soaking wet in their good clothes. That morning Takeru had begged to go for an early swim, and Oikawa reluctantly said yes to distract the child from the fear of his first reaping day. And to do it one last time before he went into the arena.

Takeru's head had gone under, and Oikawa had to hunt him down frantically, making them late. 

No matter, he still looked great, and felt more ready to make his glorious entrance than ever. He was ready this year.

They called some little fourteen year old girl's name, and that just made the eighteen year old raise his hand quicker. He even got to save a little girl in the process, a sweet bonus. This was definitely his year.

The people even applauded their favorite boy as he made his way toward the stage, soaking up the praise. He slicked back his wet hair and shot a dazzling smile in the general direction of the cameras.

"Alright, after that dazzling show of chivalry, we'll continue with picking our second tribute." 

The hand slithered around the papers, and Oikawa felt that horrible intuition people feel right before something terrible happens.

"Takeru Oikawa." The grin slips right off Oikawa's beautiful face. He pales.

There it is. I'm so fucking stupid.

The silence is acidic as the tough child sticks his chin up, and Oikawa grimaces when he sees the familiar way Takeru's feet stomp as he walks. 

This isn't about glory or money anymore.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry." Oikawa says through beautiful tears, looking first toward his nephew, then toward his brother. 

He should've just waited and volunteered second. Now Takeru will die as a result of his stupidity.

"I'll save him, he'll make it home at any cost." Oikawa's eyes were fierce as his brother merely nodded, he did not blame his little brother, Oikawa was just a kid. 

"I trust you, Toru." He whispered later, wrapping his little brother in his arms. "Losing you would be just as painful as losing Takeru, I want you to know that."

Oikawa sobbed hugging his mother, saying goodbye to his father. It was so different now that he knew he wouldn't be coming back.

-

Takeru holds his hand out to Oikawa, grasping it as they board the train.

"I don't blame you, uncle Toru." He whispered, squeezing his uncle's hand as he cried his own big tears. "I'm happy I got to come with you, now neither of us will die alone."

Oikawa falls into a chair, tears running fast and violent.

He's twelve.

He's twelve.

He's barely twelve.

"Takeru I meant what I said, I will get you home." 

Oikawa gags, his stomach lurching. It's all too much.

With a sigh Takeru yelled for a bucket as his empathetic uncle began to wretch.

-

Iwaizumi was unimpressed to say the least. 

"I could take him, easy." Kentarou was always a little too sure of himself, but Iwaizumi almost agreed with him when he saw the flashy guy. He practically screamed 'all beauty, no brains'.

"Alright, after that dazzling show of chivalry, we'll continue with picking our second tribute."

"I don't think he'll be a problem." Iwaizumi continued to watch the screen as the pretty boy's face dropped before the next name was even chosen. Iwazumi could feel on some subconscious level that something horrible was going to happen. 

"Oikawa Takeru." 

There it is.

Kentarou choked. Iwaizumi commits the name 'Toru' to memory. 

"Are they related?" Kentarou sounds upset, and Hajime would be lying if he said he didn't feel the same.

"What shitty luck. I'm going to form an alliance." Kentarou laughed.

"I'd rather die."

"You just might, Kyoutani." They began to push each other around, rough housing.

-

"Yahoo~" Hajime shuddered as his new, and only allys approached him. 

"Shittykawa, Takeru." Oikawa's smile makes his breath stutter a bit, and Takeru sends him a knowing grin. That kid is really too smart for his own good. "Do I get to see that 'special talent' you talked about yesterday or not?"

Oikawa shoots him a shit eating grin, and even Takeru looks excited despite having seen this talent a thousand times.

"Stay close to Iwachan while uncle shows off, Takeru." Oikawa pulls two slender blades from a weapons table and heads toward a set of targets against the far wall.

"I'm twelve, not three." Iwaizumi saw more of himself in Takeru than he cared to admit.

Oikawa smirked.

"I'm going to blow your mind, Iwachan." 

Without thinking Iwaizumi replied.

"Oh I really hope so." Hajime's cheeks blazed as soon as the words left his mouth. 

"Aw, Iwa I got the chills~" With one last flash of that predatory smirk, Oikawa threw his knives with deadly precision, slicing five of the targets at once.

Holy shit.

"That was-" Iwaizumi blushed as he stared at Toru's face unable to form adequate words "uh, good job."

Oikawa blushed like Iwaizumi had said something explicit. 

"You guys are really gross." Takeru went back to tying his knots, and Iwaizumi was quick to follow, leaving Oikawa to throw his knives while he lifted weights. 

-

"Takeru! What is this I hear about a resemblance between you and a certain older tribute from district twelve?" Takeru smoothed his suit, his stylist and Iwaizumi's coordinated in a bid to get them more sponsors. Toru had laughed for fifteen minutes straight when the two realized that they were in the same suit.

"Mini Iwachan!" Toru exclaimed, spiking their identical hair.

"Hajime is in love with Uncle Toru." The kid let loose an eye roll he could've learned from no one but Iwaizumi himself. 

Hajime and Toru both choked, staring at each other then avoiding eye contact all together.

The audience cackled, Takeru was winning their hearts effortlessly.

"Oh? Is he now? What makes you so sure?" Satori crossed his legs, Takeru thought his hair was super cool.

"They're basically married" the audience is rolling "all this 'Iwachan watch me throw my super sexy knives'" Takeru was full on imitating his uncles at this point "and then Uncle Hajime is all 'woah those knives were super sexy and now I'm gonna go lift weights and make eye contact with you because your knives are so sexy'." Even Satori is cackling now.

"Do you think they make a good couple?"

Everyone was on the edge of their seats except Oikawa and Iwaizumi who were passionately making out in a men's restroom. Hajime was sucking a huge bruise right on Oikawa's neck, far too visible for Toru's liking, but Toru was too breathless to protest. 

"I think they're just dumb enough for each other. I mean, they're both the bravest guys ever, they say they'll do 'anything' to send me home, I guess that's pretty cool." The tone changed, then.

-

"Did you happen to catch your nephew's interview or were you a little busy with your Iwachan?" Satori laughed, and so did Toru, though they both knew it was fake.

"I don't know what you're talking about. I was there for Takeru's whole interview. He was definitely very...talkative tonight." 

I'm coming for that little shit the moment this interview is over.

"What a strange bruise, did you get it before or after you threw your 'sexy knives'?" He was caught, the bruise was too obvious.

Fucking Hajime.

"Ahahhaha…..um…..after." The crowd was once again smitten with this strange little family dynamic.

-

"Is it true?" Satori is much gentler with the last tribute of the night, and Hajime hated it after watching Toru get relentlessly teased and exposed.

"Is what true?" Hajime was as friendly as a guy like him could be, which means he wasn't very friendly at all. The people loved it, mainly because it opposed Toru's charm so much.

"Would you really die for Takeru?"

That question surprised Hajime almost as much as his response did.

"Yes" no hesitation, he was undeniably telling the truth "him and Toru both."

Oikawa's breath left his lungs in an abrupt rush, what a shitty time to fall in love.

"Well, I'm sure you'll get your chance."

-

The rocks never gave any sight of collapsing, not until Takeru slipped on the ice. It was all over for them then. Hajime instinctively pulled Toru to his chest, sheltering him just as a large Boulder smashed his right knee. He screamed in agony as Hajime cradled him, thankful they weren't smashed further.

"Takeru?" Iwaizumi called, searching the dark for the small boy. "Takeru?" He was panicking, all of the rocks were falling into place in an unnatural way that suggested the work of a Game Maker. They're going to die down here.

"TAKERU? TAKERU! PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE NOT DOWN HERE!" Oikawa was screaming, clawing at the rocks, he connected the dots as fast as Hajime had. 

"I grabbed him before he could fall. He's safe." The new voice just sent Oikawa into even more of a panic.

"Please, whoever you are just please don't hurt him." Hajime found himself pleading for the first time in his life. His eyes were wet as he thought of Takeru and eventually Kyoutani, two of the three people he would die for. 

"I promise I won't hurt him." The measured voice sent a wave of reassurance through both Oikawa and Hajime, their boy would live. 

"Will you save him?" Oikawa asked, almost as if it were too good to be true. 

"I will do everything I can to carry him through to the end." Toru nearly screamed as he let out a fresh sob. 

"C-Can I talk to him one more time?" 

"Of course." 

"I'm not going." Takeru's insistent voice filled the cavern below him as he spoke into the tiny hole far, far above Toru.

"Stop it Takeru. You can do a lot of things baby, but pulling me from down here isn't one of them." Hajime cradled Oikawa, propping him up so he wouldn't put pressure on his destroyed knee. 

"I'm scared, I don't want to go home without you." Takeru sounded the smallest Toru had ever heard him, and it only made him cry harder. 

"We all get scared, Takeru, but that doesn't mean you can throw yourself into the dark. We said we would do anything to see you safe. We meant it." Hajime wasn't much of a comforter but judging by the way Toru gripped his hand and Takeru's intake of breath, he would say he did a good job.

"But Iwa-" the boy is sobbing now.

"Listen Takeru." Oikawa's voice is deadly serious, dangerous "You will leave me here. You will leave Hajime here. You will not think of us again until you survive. Listen to-"

"Daichi Sawamura." The reassuring voice was close by, probably observing Takeru, and ensuring he didn't get attacked. 

"-listen to Daichi, and please go home and live a life great enough for Iwachan and me." Iwaizumi pressed a loving kiss to Toru's temple.

A memory flashed to the front of Iwazumi's mind, a tiny boy with a blonde streak in his bangs and the sizzling flash of lightning.

Lightning strikes the Capitol. 

"Be the lightning, strike the Capitol until it all burns." Those words were dangerous, no one but Hajime and the boy from Five would ever have the courage to say them. But it's easy to find courage when there's nothing left to lose. 

"I promise." Takeru didn't sound twelve anymore. 

-

"I've never really liked the ocean, you know?" Oikawa whispered softly, a calm tear rolling down his cheeks as he sat in the dark. "But the sky, the stars, now that's worth exploring."

Hajime was cold, so cold that he no longer burned with it, but rather accepted it. Toru was tired in a way that foreshadowed death, and if Hajime was honest, he wasn't far behind.

"Sh, don't let the sponsors hear that." Hajime wrapped himself tighter around Toru. "You're supposed to be everything short of a merman." 

"Fuck the sponsors Iwachan." Oikawa said it so passionately despite being on the edge of freezing to death. "What are they going to do now, kill me? Kill Takeru? With the fire you lit under him, I'd like to see them try."

"I didn't say that much." 

"Don't give me that. You turned his spine to steele. He'll change the world now, and that's all thanks to his fabulous uncles." Oikawa turned over very slowly, so now he was face to face in Iwaizumi's arms. "And I love you. I love you so fiercely that I don't mind dying in this disgusting cave as long as it's with you."

Iwaizumi pressed his lips to Oikawa's in what could only be described as perfect. They felt warm despite dying, they would always feel warm as long as they were together.

"I didn't think I could love anyone like this. Especially not someone like you. But here I am, dying with you and enjoying every second of it." Oikawa giggled, Iwaizumi pinched his side a bit.

"Iwachan I am dying. You would pinch a dying man?" Toru was aghast.

"Only you, Shittykawa." He rubbed his hand up Toru's back, pressing a gentle kiss to his nose. 

"Hajime?" Oikawa's voice cracks "I don't think we'll wake up once we fall asleep."

"No. We definitely won't." He really is too sleepy.

"I just wish…" Toru is out of tears "I wish I had known when it was my last time looking at the stars. I would've looked so much harder, you know?" 

Hajime is so fucking angry that this boy has to die. He's so angry that Toru will never see the sky again, let alone explore it. The anger leaves him only when Oikawa lethargically rubs at the base of his neck.

"Close your eyes, we'll go together." Iwaizumi whispers, carding his fingers through Oikawa's hair. 

"But I'm not ready to die, Iwa." Toru is so tired, but the idea of never getting to see the stars keeps him from resting.

"We're not dying. What gave you that idea?" Toru looked at him in sleepy confusion "We're heading off to the sky, we're going to explore space together, all you need to do is go to sleep and we'll be free."

Toru kissed him tenderly and they drifted toward space, together.


	16. how rare and beautiful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> epilogue: Ukai and Takeda reflect on their past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! If you're still reading, I love you and appreciate you. I worked super hard on this so thanks for giving it some of your time and enjoy me struggling to tie up all my lose ends.

Takeda grew up under the blinding lights of the Capitol, constantly squinting to see the truth. He had always detested if he was honest, everything in his life was so material. The guilt that comes with resenting your privilege while others starve haunts Takeda. He and his huge, bleeding heart could hardly even stand watching the games, so it really was a shock when he offered to act as a sort of mentor for district eight. 

Takeda could feel it. He couldn't explain it, but he knew that his life would truly begin with his new, impulsive acceptance of the job. 

His low self esteem never allowed him to imagine what an important life he would lead. 

"Ittetsu? What are you doing out here? I woke up and you were gone…" Ukai's eyes were older now, haunted but still beautiful. They were both like that, now. Older, haunted, but happier than they'd ever been. 

"Sorry to worry you, I was just thinking about" Takeda slides his hand into Ukai's and pulls him into a sitting position beside him, they gaze at the stars "how privileged I am."

Ukai shivers next to him, then pulls Takeda's smaller body closer, folding his husband into his side in an attempt to fight the freezing air. 

"You fought in the revolution just like the rest of us." Ukai hated when Takeda got down on himself.

"That's not what I mean. How lucky am I to have seen and lived through all that's happened? We watched a twelve year old flip the world upside down and return it better than ever." Takeda laughed softly and Ukai's heart twitched "We watched Suga and Tendou recruit our forces, we watched the broken warp in to the resilient. Sakusa is free for the first time in his life. Natsuo takes after her brother more and more everyday and I never even really knew the boy."

Takeda is winded from his impassioned speech, they lapse into silence.

"Hanamaki is up for a position in the New government. He's only twenty one. Twenty one, Keishin!"

"I know." Ukai chuckled softly at his proud husband "I suppose now would be a good time to tell you about the invite to Kiyoko and Yachi's wedding."

Takeda promptly bursts into tears, while Ukai laughs whole heartedly. 

"How lucky are we? We got to see them grow, in a place like this, we were given a chance to build a real family." Ukai's bit his lip at the loneliness in Takeda's voice.

"You'll never be alone. I love you and so do our kids. The living, and the lost ones."

Silence settles with the snow while they both cry for the children they couldn't help.

Kageyama's deep blue eyes flash across Ukai's mind.

Takeda can still hear Lev and Yaku's screams. He sees Yamaguchi's crazed eyes and hears Tanaka's boisterous laugh everywhere he goes. He can't seem to forget how Noya's small hands shook as he cut his delicate wrists. It all makes him want to join them in the winter sky.

They both wake screaming about Goshiki and Bokuto.

Ukai learned how to swim after watching Kenma drown. No one would ever drown in front of him again. He personally visited Goshiki's mother, and held her hand while they spoke about their crushing grief. He went to Kuroo's mother, too. He listened to her speak about how losing Kenma was already too much, so when they found Kuroo's water bloated body it did everything but kill her. He listened to them all, and he did everything he could to learn, so these lives were not lost in vain. 

Takeda held Tendou for days when they were reunited, he held on tight while the child wailed into his shoulder about his broken heart. He even coaxed Suga into a few crying sessions. Sometimes Maki would find his way to Takeda's office when he needed to talk, or just lean on someone, too.

Takeda traces the scars on Ukai's throat, remnants of the time he almost lost his own games.

"I think about them all of the time." He's crying, Ukai's crying, and the sky seems to be in a similar state, releasing its own cold tears of grief.

"Me too."

They watch the stars and the pillowy snowflakes on their haphazard journey to the ground, while they continue to remember every single name, until the sun sits cold and bright in the sky.


End file.
